A Secret of the Soul (Amish Secrets--Book 6) Page 17

  She stepped closer to the door that was barely open and listened.

  “And that Amish girl. Is that the one Elam dumped you for?” A girl’s indignant voice asked.

  “I think so.” Another voice said.

  “I can’t believe that, Megan. Really. You would beat her in a beauty contest any day, hands down.”

  “Don’t say that. It’s not nice.”

  “It’s true. And she’s overweight. What does he see in her, anyway?”

  “She’s not exactly fat.”

  The other girl laughed. “Well, she’s not exactly a supermodel either.”

  “Who is, Chelsea? If Elam liked her enough to marry her, then I’m sure she’s nice.”

  The other girl, Chelsea, snorted. “Yeah, because what else could it be? Seriously, Elam is hot even in that Amish getup.”

  “Don’t talk that way. Besides, Elam has a lot of good qualities. He’s really sweet—even when he’s breaking up with you.” Megan sighed.

  “Which means he should be with you.”

  “We broke up. We’re over.” The girl reminded. “And I think he’s married now.”

  “Well, I didn’t see a ring on his finger.”

  “The Amish don’t wear rings, silly. Come on, we better go before they lock up the building on us.”

  Julianna swiped at her tears and quickly slipped into the bathroom and waited until the girls were out of sight to exit through the back door. They’re right. I am fat and ugly. Elam’s too good for me. He deserves someone better, someone who can give him children.

  ~

  Elam glanced over at Julianna, who looked to have been crying. He’d start a conversation with her if they were alone, but the back of Zach’s SUV, with all his family present, was not the place nor the time.

  He leaned over and whispered in her ear, “You okay?”

  She ignored his question and stared out the window, her chin quivering.

  Something was wrong. He wished they could talk about it now. Instead, he reached over and took her hand in his. He leaned over and whispered again, “It’s okay. I’m here.”

  ~

  Elam’s hands gently massaged Julianna’s shoulders. He needed to coax out whatever was bothering her. “Wanna talk?”

  She shook her head.

  “Please, Schatzi. I need to know what’s wrong. You can tell me.”

  She finally turned her eyes to his. He hated to see the sadness that dimmed them. “I…I overheard someone talking. About us.”

  “Where? At church?”

  She nodded.

  Who on earth would be talking about them at church? “What did they say?”

  When she shrugged, he knew she wasn’t going to be willing to share any details with him.

  “Who was it?”

  “Some girls.” She sighed.

  “Girls? Like little girls?”

  “No. Some girls that know you.”

  Elam swallowed. “Megan?”

  “I think maybe…jah, that was one of the names.”

  “And what were they saying?”

  Tears began pouring down Julianna’s cheeks. “Awful things, but they were true.”

  Elam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Who would do such a thing? “Megan said these things?”

  Julianna shrugged.

  Elam knelt in front of her and caressed her face, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. He caught her gaze and held it. “You listen to me, Julie. You are the most special, wonderful person I know. I love you and I don’t want you to be sad, okay?”

  She stared at him, her lip quivering.

  “Okay, Schatzi?” He kissed her and asked again.

  She gave one brief nod, indicating to him that she was agreeing only because it was what he wanted from her. But he knew she wasn’t agreeing. This is the last thing Julie needs.

  “Would you like to help Rosanna with dinner or would you rather rest in their spare bedroom?”

  “Rest.”

  “Okay, kumm.” He held out his hand to her and led the way to Zach and Rosanna’s spare bedroom. He laid down next her and held her tight until he was sure she’d fallen asleep, tucked the covers around her, then carefully stepped out of the room and closed the door.

  He quickly found Zach. “Hey, will you do me a favor? I need to go for a drive, it shouldn’t take too long. Would you mind keeping a watch out for Julianna? She just fell asleep. If she wakes up, I’d like her to see familiar faces—especially if I’m not here.”

  Zach nodded. “Sure. You need to borrow my car?”

  “If you don’t mind.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  Fury pumped through the ventricles of Elam’s heart and intensified with every step toward Megan’s house. He reined in a frustrated breath and attempted to gather his wits about him before he busted the door down. He did his best to knock calmly but he wasn’t feeling it at all.

  “Elam?” The door opened and Megan stood in front of him, but right now he couldn’t stand to look at her. Right now, all he could see was Julianna’s tears. “What are you doing he—”

  “What did you and your friend say about my wife?” He couldn’t help his raised voice or his flaring anger.

  “What are you talking about?”

  His hands fisted at his side. “At church. You and someone else were talking.”

  Her countenance immediately changed and the color seemed to drain from her face. She frowned. “Your wife heard our conversation?”

  “What did you say?” He enunciated each syllable.

  “Elam…if I had any idea she was…I’m sorry.”

  His arms crossed firmly over his solid chest.

  “It was Chelsea. She just speaks her mind. She said some things that I’m sure would be hurtful.”

  He tapped his foot, growing more impatient by the second.

  Megan continued. “She said that she didn’t know what you saw in Julianna. She didn’t understand why you would choose someone who was overweight and not very pretty. That you would choose her over me.”

  His heart squeezed tight. He wished with everything in him that Julianna hadn’t heard those things spoken about her. But it was too late. Spoken words may be forgiven, they may eventually be forgotten, but they could never ever be taken back.

  Megan didn’t need to know that the reason for Julianna’s current weight was because of the medication she was taking. Besides that, he loved her anyway. And he would continue to love her whether she ever lost the weight or not. Because, unlike some people, he knew a person’s value wasn’t measured by how much they weighed or how beautiful they were on the outside. One’s worth came from the Creator, and each individual was precious in His sight. And to Elam, Julianna was beautiful. He just wished she was healthy.

  “Hurtful? Those things are more than just hurtful, Megan. To my wife, those words are life-threatening! She’s very fragile. She’s already tried to take her life once!” He knew he was yelling but he couldn’t help it. This would no doubt set Julie back who knew how far. “I’ve tried so hard to get her where she was and you destroyed all of that in one conversation!”

  “I’m sorry, Elam, but I can’t control what comes out of other people’s mouths. Chelsea isn’t saved.”

  “Maybe not. But you stood there and listened, didn’t you?”

  Megan hung her head.

  “Out of all places, I thought that church would be the one safe place I could bring her to and not have to worry about or deal with anything negative. And now this.” Words could not express how disappointed Elam was with Megan right now.

  “I can apologize to her if you think it would help.”

  He shook his head and quickly dismissed her. “No, the damage has already been done, and that might just humiliate her even more.”

  “I don’t know what you want from me, Elam. What can I do to make this better?”

  He sighed. “You can pray that she doesn’t do anything harmful.” He turned to walk back to Zach’s vehicle.


  “I’m sorry, Elam.”

  He heard Megan’s words but he was too upset to acknowledge them. He needed to get back before Julianna woke up and discovered he wasn’t there. The last thing she needed was a panic attack.

  He cursed the air in frustration. He’d thought that bringing her to church today would be a good, positive step in the right direction. How wrong he’d been.

  Elam took a calming breath and attempted to rein in his thoughts, to get rid of this stress. He would be no good to Julianna if he was emanating negative emotions. God, I’m stressed out here. I need Your help. Please see me and Julie through this. Give me the strength I need to be who Julie needs. I can’t do this on my own. Denki. Amen.

  ~

  Elam approached the house and spotted Zach outside with two of his children throwing a baseball back and forth. It reminded Elam of his youth days, when their Amish group would meet together and play softball, usually before a singing. Those were good times—carefree times that he longed for again. Would he and Julie ever know days like that? Would there ever be a time when he wouldn’t worry about her hurting herself or someone else?

  “Is Julie up?”

  “No. Rosanna’s in the kitchen. I told her to let me know if Julianna awakens.”

  “Okay, thanks.” Elam lifted the keys and Zach motioned for him to toss them to him.

  Elam headed to the bedroom as soon as he stepped inside the house. He opened the door to find Julie still safely sleeping and breathed a sigh of relief. Oh, how he loved her and longed for her to be free of the burdens she carried. If she could just give them to God…

  “Elam?” Julie sat up.

  He quickly went to her. “You okay, Schatzi? Did you have a good nap?”

  “Jah.”

  He sat down next to her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I talked to Megan. She told me what happened, what her friend said. I didn’t think those were very kind things to say.”

  “But they were true. Maybe you should have married Megan.” She stared down at her hands.

  He gently lifted her chin and waited until her eyes met his. “No, they weren’t true. And I didn’t marry Megan because I didn’t love her.”

  A single tear slid down her cheek. No doubt, she’d been consumed by feelings of self-deprecation. Who wouldn’t after overhearing a conversation like that?

  Elam took her in his arms and pulled her close to him. He gazed into her forlorn eyes. He gentled his tone. “Want to know a secret?”

  His eyes searched hers and she nodded slightly.

  “It’s a well-kept secret that I’d hidden deep inside my soul. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I tried to forget you, to make myself stop loving you, but my heart just wouldn’t listen. There’s only one person I can ever love for all my life—and that’s you. Not Megan or any other girl. I. Love. You. Julianna.”

  He didn’t wait for her response. Instead, he lowered his lips onto hers, proving his words the best he knew how. She seemed hesitant at first, but eventually surrendered to his advances.

  He broke away. “You need not ever doubt my love for you, sweet Julie.” Then he continued the kiss he wished would never stop.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  Elam stood in front of the pew, with Julianna by his side, singing hymns of joy to His magnificent Saviour. He thought of God and His goodness, His mercy, His love, and couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

  If it weren’t for a few off days here and there, their struggles of the recent past could almost be forgotten. Almost. Elam was confident that he and Julianna had been given a new lease on life. Of course, everyone had bad days, he knew that. But somehow, it seemed that even the bad days were a blessing because they reminded him and made him thankful for all the good days. He’d once heard it said that bad times are there to remind us to be thankful for the good times.

  Very few signs remained of the struggles they endured over the past year and a half. In fact, they both felt happier and healthier than they’d ever been. The doctor insisted it was mostly the diet, which Elam couldn’t deny played a big part. But he knew it was more than that. It was being a part of a wonderful Amish community and having friends like Zach and Rosanna nearby. It was the joy and love they shared each day in each other’s presence. It was the blessings of Der Herr which continually surrounded them.

  It seemed since Julie had placed her trust in Christ, she’d learned to give her doubts and fears over to Him. She’d allowed Him to fill her with His peace, His joy.

  Daed had gone to the ministers awhile back and reasoned with them. Somehow, he’d convinced them to make an exception for the ‘contraband’ Elam and Julianna needed—for the greater good of the community, of course.

  Things weren’t perfect, by any means. Elam still found himself in conflict with the leaders. There were just some things he refused to compromise on. He and Julianna occasionally visited his former Englisch church, but they also faithfully attended every other Sunday in their Amish district. So far, they’d been able to avoid the Bann.

  It seemed that Julianna enjoyed their Englisch church now as much as Elam did. Perhaps it helped that Megan had been away on a mission’s trip over the last year. Although he’d been upset with Megan the last time they’d spoken, he hadn’t held a grudge. People would always be people. And people would say things. That was life. He had felt bad about not apologizing, though. That was something he’d planned to set right today.

  As soon as the service was over, Elam searched the auditorium until he spotted Megan.

  He turned to his wife. “Do you want to go with me to talk to Megan or would you rather stay here with Zach and Rosanna?”

  Julie smiled. “You go. I’ll be here. But don’t be long because we’re supposed to barbeque out at the ranch today, remember? Veggie burgers.” She raised her eyebrows twice in quick succession and winked.

  He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “That’s right. I shouldn’t be more than a few minutes.”

  Elam approached Megan toward the back of the sanctuary. “Hey, can we talk?”

  Megan shrugged. “Sure.”

  Elam blew out a breath. Apologizing had never been the easiest thing for him to do. “I’m sorry for the harsh words I spoke to you that last time we talked. I was really upset and concerned about my wife. I know that it wasn’t your fault, but I took out my anger on you. Please, forgive me.”

  Megan nodded. “I know why you said those things. I didn’t blame you at all. I just felt bad about the whole thing. How is your wife doing now?”

  “Better every day. The doctor said she is doing very well.”

  “I’m happy to hear that. She looks great.” Megan smiled. “You know, what you’ve done for her is admirable.”

  Elam shook his head. “I’ve just shown her love that every human being deserves.”

  “No, I think you’ve gone above and beyond that.” She hesitated. “And I think I understand now why you broke up with me. She needed you.”

  Elam glanced in Julianna’s direction. “I love her. I always have.”

  Chase walked up behind Megan. “Hey, Elam. It seems like I haven’t seen you in forever. What’s up?” He reached for Megan’s hand and their fingers intertwined.

  “You know I went back to the Amish.”

  Chase nodded. “And I heard you got married.”

  “Yeah, that was a while back. Over a year ago.” Elam nodded.

  “Well, you’re not the only one with good news.” Chase beamed down at Megan and winked. “I’ve asked Megan to marry me and she said yes!”

  “Really?” He looked to both of them and they both nodded and smiled. “That’s wonderful. Congratulations.”

  “Thanks. Will you and your wife be able to attend our wedding or is that like against Amish policies?”

  Elam chuckled. “No, we’re allowed to attend Englisch weddings. I’ll talk to Julie about it and see if she’s up to going. When is it?”

  Chase grinned. “We’re not quite sure ye
t, but we’ll send you an invitation when we get to that stage in the planning process.”

  “That sounds gut.” Elam watched as his two friends walked off. Who would have thought Chase and Megan would end up together? Certainly not him. Perhaps spending a year on the mission field in each other’s presence had sealed the deal for the two of them.

  He now wondered if Chase had liked Megan all along, and if so, why hadn’t he asked her out before Elam had? Not that any of that mattered now. The past was past. He was happy they’d found each other, but not as happy as he was to have found Julianna—especially after thinking that she’d passed away.

  He looked back toward the pew he’d shared with Julie earlier and found her talking to one of the ladies of the church. She was so beautiful and full of life. Every day he thanked God for giving them a second chance. He caught her eye and winked, then made his way toward her—toward a future he could only dream about.

  His dream had finally become reality.

  EPILOGUE

  Two Years Later…

  Elam startled awake and immediately shot up. He looked to Julianna’s side of the bed, felt for her with his hands. Empty. No. Lord, please. The last time this had occurred he’d found Julie in the middle of the road, nearly dead.

  He jumped up, not even bothering to grab his broadfalls or shirt. “Julianna?” He hollered.

  Nothing.

  He paused for a moment and covered his face with both of his hands. Dear God, if You can hear me, please be with Julie wherever she is. Please keep her safe.

  He grabbed his coat and threw it on and hastily slipped his boots on. His heart pounded with each step.

  “Julie?” He cupped his hands and called out into the wooded area behind the house. This felt eerily similar to last time and Elam could not shake the dread that had taken hold of him, clenched down on his heart. “Julianna!”

  He took a deep breath and attempted to calm himself, to stop the trembling in his hands. Julie should be fine now. She hasn’t had an episode in over a year.