A Secret of the Heart (Amish Secrets--Book 3) Page 3

  “But how can I do that? And how can I know for sure that is the way to Heaven?”

  “You can know because that is what God says in His Word. God does not lie.” Carolanne touched Lilly’s shoulder. “He says, ‘That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation…For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.’” Carolanne’s expression exuded hope. “Do you want Jesus to save you, Lilly?”

  Tears pricked her eyes. “Jah, I do.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  The slow ticking of the clock on the wall nearly drove Lillianna crazy. How long did it take to say, ‘Okay, Lillianna, your name has been considered for membership’? Were the leaders deliberately stalling to make her nervous?

  The group of ministers was presently congregated near a corner in the house. One of the ministers glanced her way, then turned back and spoke with the others once again. She couldn’t help feeling like the odd one out.

  Finally, the men turned to her. “We have some concerns,” one of the ministers admitted.

  Oh great. They’re not going to let me go on the trip. How she hated the thought of staying back while her moments with Carolanne were precious.

  “Frankly, we’re questioning your sincerity in this matter.”

  “What?”

  “You’ve made no indication nor shown any desire to be baptized until now. Are you not joining the church in order to be eligible to marry a certain soon-to-be widower?” the deacon asked.

  Lillianna’s jaw dropped. She was speechless.

  “This is a serious matter.”

  “Wha–? No! That is not why I’m getting baptized.” She could scarcely believe these men would mention anything of the sort. Where did they hear of such things? Was that the latest talk in their community? That she was just waiting for Carolanne to die so she could snatch Samuel? The thought sickened her.

  “What are your reasons then?”

  She felt like pulling her hair out. Was this really such a difficult thing? “I want to join the church, become a voting member, agree to live by the same rules that the other members live by.”

  The men looked at one another and nodded in satisfaction. “Very well. The classes will begin in two weeks.”

  Lillianna breathed a sigh of relief. They hadn’t mentioned anything about not going on the trip. Now, she could pack for the trip without fear of missing her membership classes.

  <><><>

  Lillianna wanted to be excited about this trip – really, she did. But the fact that she was sitting next to Carolanne, and this would most likely be one of the last times they spent together, greatly dampened her spirit. She couldn’t suppress the foreboding aura that lingered in her mind.

  She glanced over at Samuel, who sat on the bench seat just over on the other side of Carolanne, next to the van door. What must he be thinking? How could one mentally prepare himself for the death of a loved one? She’d heard that the death of a spouse was one of the most difficult life events to ever happen. Yet, death was a natural thing; no one escapes it.

  Carolanne, on the other hand, appeared bright and cheerful. With each mile, it seemed she pointed out another feature of God’s wonderful creation. It was like watching a child dip his hand into a jar of rock candy. Each color had its own flavor and she wanted to try every single one, or at least talk about it.

  “Look! We just passed into Arizona. We should be there soon.” Carolanne’s eyes smiled.

  “It’ll still be several hours,” the driver informed them.

  “Oh, those rocks are so beautiful!”

  Lillianna glanced at Samuel, and he, in turn, smiled at his wife. “She never ceases to find beauty in the ordinary. Just look at me.” He chuckled.

  “Samuel Beachy, you are anything but ordinary,” Carolanne insisted. “You are the sweetest, most handsome man that God ever made.”

  Lillianna smiled. Carolanne was right in choosing Samuel for a mate; they were perfect for each other. She wondered if there was anyone out there that completed her.

  Thomas. The name seemed to come as a whisper on the wind. It was so real, she momentarily glanced around to see if anyone else had heard it. Nobody had.

  It was only a matter of time before she made her way to Pennsylvania. The thought made butterflies flitter in her stomach.

  <><><>

  “If those people over there keep staring at us, I’m going to walk over and tell them to quit being so rude,” Marcus complained.

  “You’ll do no such thing, Marcus.” Samuel pointed two fingers in Marcus’ direction.

  Lillianna was thankful that Samuel was made the person in charge on this trip.

  “They’ve probably never seen any Amish before. I don’t think there are many who come out this way,” Carolanne added.

  “There are some in Colorado, and I heard a new settlement started up in Idaho as well,” Samuel said.

  “Really? I didn’t know that some came way out west.” Lillianna’s brow rose.

  “They’re still staring,” Marcus said.

  “Well, aren’t you staring at them too?” Another girl from their group laughed.

  “Let’s go have a gander at another area. Who’s got the camera?” Samuel asked.

  “I do.” Lillianna held it up. She walked behind the group and discreetly took pictures of Carolanne and Samuel. She wanted to have something to remember her friend by after she was gone, even if it was verboten.

  “Uh oh.” She glanced up and found Marcus at her side. “Better delete that one.”

  “Please mind your own business, Marcus. I’m taking whatever pictures I want to. It’s my camera.” Lillianna frowned.

  “Relax, Lilly. I was joking.”

  “You’d better be.”

  “Come on, let’s catch up with the others before we lose them.”

  <><><>

  “Ach, this wind is crazy!” Lillianna said as another strand of hair fell loose from her bun. She spied a restroom sign that pointed to facilities around the corner. “I need to use the bathroom. Do you need to go?”

  Carolanne shook her head, so Lillianna headed in that direction. “I shouldn’t be long,” she called back over her shoulder.

  Lillianna stepped out from the stall and quickly washed and dried her hands. She smoothed the sides of her hair with a little water from the faucet and tucked the disobedient strands behind her ears. She grimaced when she looked into the mirror. What she really needed was to redo the whole mess, but it would take much longer than her allotted time. This would have to do until she arrived at the motel. She adjusted her kapp then stepped out of the restroom to go meet up with the rest of the group.

  A sudden obstacle sent Lillianna’s bottom straight to the concrete ground.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, miss!” a deep voice apologized.

  The grip on her arm forced her to look up into the face concealed by a thin goatee and sunglasses. It was one of the curious men she’d seen before. Lillianna’s cheeks flushed. “Ach, I should have been looking where I was going.”

  The man moved his sunglasses to the top of his head. “No, it’s my faul–” His words stopped in mid-sentence; his mouth dropped open. The man’s eyebrows shot up. “Lil? Lillianna Zook? Is it you?”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Lillianna’s heart quickened. There’s only one person who had ever called her ‘Lil’. She looked closer. Could it be?

  “I’m Tommy! Thomas Girod. Do you remember me?”

  Do I ever! She finally found her voice. “Jah. I remember.”

  Perhaps Thomas couldn’t help it, but he pulled her into his arms and kissed her cheek lightly. “It’s so good to see you!”

  Apparently, he isn’t married! Lillianna pulled away and looked to see if anyone from the group had noticed her in the embrace of an Englischer. She’d get an earful from t
he leaders, to be sure, if word ever got back.

  “Oh, no. Uh, your husband isn’t around, is he?” Thomas’ clumsy words tumbled out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even consider that you might be married. What was I thinking?” Worry creased his brow.

  Lillianna laughed. “No, I’m not married. I just…you just took me by surprise is all. I can hardly believe it’s you.”

  His eyes swept over her once again. “Wow, you look great! I can’t believe this! What on earth are you doing here?”

  “Visiting the Grand Canyon,” she teased.

  Thomas chuckled. “Really? I wouldn’t have guessed.”

  “A group of us are here from Ohio,” she clarified. “And you?”

  He shrugged. “It’s just me and my friend, Tyrone. I think he’s waiting for me over in the museum. Would you like to come meet him?”

  “Uh, sure. Let me check with the group first.”

  Thomas walked beside her and quickly spotted the group of young Amish people. He glanced down at his shorts and t-shirt and briefly wished he’d worn long pants. Oh well, he wasn’t Amish anymore, and didn’t plan to ever be again.

  “Thomas, this is my friend Carolanne and her husband, Samuel,” Lillianna said.

  Thomas offered his hand to Samuel and nodded politely to Carolanne. “Nice to meet you. You don’t mind if I steal Lil for a little bit, do you?”

  “Lil, huh?” Carolanne echoed.

  Lillianna smiled, sending her friend a look of warning.

  “Sorry, but the group is supposed to stay together,” Marcus said.

  Lillianna frowned at him.

  “I’m not opposed to Lillianna going with you, if she wants to,” Samuel said. He turned to Lillianna. “Make sure you’re not back too late.”

  Lillianna nodded.

  “Don’t forget supper at six,” Marcus butted in.

  Thomas frowned and glanced at Lillianna. “Oh, I’d hoped to have supper with you, but if–”

  “She’d love to have supper with you. You have a lot of catching up to do, jah?” Carolanne insisted.

  Lillianna turned to Carolanne, communicating her gratitude. “I’ll meet you back at the motel tonight. That is, if Thomas can give me a ride.”

  Thomas smiled. “You bet.”

  “Take your time.” Carolanne gave her a knowing smile.

  “You’re great, you know that?” Lillianna winked.

  “Shall we?” Thomas held out his elbow and Lillianna lightly clutched it. He led the way toward the museum and a few moments later, Lillianna spotted an African-American man waiting on a bench. “There he is.”

  “Who ya got there, brother?” The friendly man offered Lillianna a bright smile.

  “This is Lil. Lillianna. We’ve known each other since we were knee-high to a grasshopper. She was one of my best friends. I haven’t seen her in years.”

  “Well, I’m pleased to meet you, Lillianna,” Tyrone said.

  “Denki. Thank you. Nice to meet you too.”

  Thomas rubbed his forehead. “Hey, Ty. You don’t mind if I skip out on you, do ya?”

  “You gonna leave me high and dry?” Tyrone protested.

  Lillianna felt bad that she interrupted their plans. “Oh no, we could–”

  Thomas laughed. “He’s jokin’, Lil.”

  She studied Tyrone. He waved his hand in front of his face and chuckled. “You two go and have yourselves a great time.”

  Lillianna released an anxious breath and smiled. “Thank you, Tyrone.”

  “My friends call me ‘Ty’.”

  She smiled. “Thanks, Ty.”

  “By the way, you might want to watch out for this guy. He’ll get you into heaps of trouble,” Tyrone warned.

  Lillianna looked at Thomas and raised her brow. “Really? Hmm…so are you saying I shouldn’t go with him?” She smiled.

  “Nah, not really. Just wanted to give you a heads-up is all.”

  Thomas winked at Lillianna.

  “I’ll have to keep that in mind. Thanks for the warning, Ty.”

  <><><>

  Thomas navigated their way toward another area of the canyon.

  “He’s seems like a nice man.” Lillianna hoped the breeze wouldn’t pull her kapp off.

  “Ty’s been a good friend.”

  Lillianna stood at the guardrail overlooking a huge section of the canyon. She gasped as she beheld the magnificent natural wonder. Colorful bands accented the layers of reddish-brown, hard compacted rock that stretched for miles. Extraordinary deep valleys, sharp peaks that appeared as monuments and many plateaus defined the landscape. Several lone trees seemed to grow right out of the rock layers and she marveled at how they survived in the dry desert climate. Below, a tiny cerulean-blue river meandered through the bottom of the canyon. “Oh, my goodness! This is so beautiful.”

  “Pretty spectacular, huh? Nature is cool.”

  “God is a wonderful gut Creator, jah?”

  “God has nothing to do with this, Lil.” He grasped her hand and pulled her to a nearby sign. “See, the Colorado River formed this over millions of years. Look at all the layers in the rocks. It just proves the truth of evolution.”

  “Evolution?”

  “Yes, evolution. You know, Lillianna, how the scientists say that we originated from primates millions of years ago.”

  “Primates?”

  “Apes, monkeys, etcetera.”

  “You really believe that?”

  “Of course. Most reputable scientists believe and teach that. Wait. Don’t tell me you still believe all that stuff about Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden.”

  “Jah, I do.”

  Thomas chuckled. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Why do you still believe those fairy tales?”

  “They’re not fairy tales.” Lillianna frowned.

  “Why do you believe, Lil?”

  Lillianna was speechless. She hadn’t taken any classes on the origin of life, she just simply believed in what the Bible said.

  “Look, you don’t have an answer. You don’t even know why you believe, Lil! Are you going to continue to live off your folks’ faith your whole life? There’s more out there that you’ve never even heard about, never even considered. Have you ever thought, even for just one second, that what you were taught was wrong? That it was all a lie? God is nothing more than a myth, Lillianna. It’s just a concept that people made up to give themselves a sense of comfort.”

  Lillianna’s mouth dropped open. Was this really Tommy? The boy she’d grown up with?

  “Surprised? This is what happens when you actually start thinking for yourself. Education is a wonderful thing, Lil. It opens your mind and allows you to explore new possibilities. The reason you believe like you do is because it’s all you’ve ever known. You were never taught to question.” A bitter laugh escaped his lips. “We were never allowed to question anything. We didn’t have a choice but to believe everything that was shoved down our throats.”

  “Is that what you think, Tommy?”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “So, everyone who hasn’t been to college like you is basically an idiot who can’t think for themselves?”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa…I’m not calling you an idiot, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m just trying to challenge you to think outside the box,” Thomas asserted.

  “So, if I ‘think outside the box’, which to you apparently means abandoning my faith in God, I’m not an idiot?”

  He sighed. “Okay, let me backpedal here. I’m sorry, Lil. I didn’t mean to offend you. Let’s drop the subject.”

  “For now,” she conceded.

  “Man, what was I thinking bringing up a subject like that when we haven’t seen each other in eons?”

  “Subject dropped,” she reminded him.

  “Okay, so, dinner then?”

  “Jah. That sounds gut.”

  “Zehr gut.” He laughed as his stomach rumbled loudly.

  Tommy doesn’t believe in God? The thought troubled Lillianna to no
end.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Thomas nodded to the waitress when she picked up their empty dinner plates. His gaze landed on the wonderful woman across the table. Meeting Lillianna was the best gift anyone could have given him and he momentarily wondered if maybe there was a God after all. “I can’t tell you how great it is to see you again, Lil.”

  Lillianna’s beautiful grin captured his heart once again. She reminded him of all that was good and lovely, and caused him to temporarily ignore his current dire circumstances.

  “Why did you stop writing to me?” Lil asked.

  It was a simple question, but the answer was complicated. How could he tell her the truth of his past…or his present? He sucked in a breath. “You heard that my folks died?”

  She nodded.

  “It was a very dark time for me.” Just talking about it conjured up images he’d rather forget – like his younger siblings begging him to stay. But he knew he couldn’t. “I had to leave. I couldn’t stay in that house with constant memories of Dat and Mamm.”

  “So that’s when you became Englisch?”

  He nodded.

  “I wish I could have been there to help you through that time.”

  “Me too.” He rubbed the top of her hand with his thumb.

  “I didn’t even hear about it until a few years after it happened. My folks knew but nobody told me. If I’d known…well I don’t know what I would have done. But I could have at least prayed for you.”

  “You’re such a sweetheart, Lil.” The waitress put the guest check upside down on their table. Thomas glanced around and noticed they were some of the last few patrons in the restaurant. “It looks like they’re closing. We should probably go.”

  <><><>

  Thomas removed the motel key card from his wallet and inserted it into the slot in the door. When the green light showed, he opened the door and motioned Lillianna inside.