The Teacher (Amish Country Brides) Read online

  Jaden sighed. “Is life ever easy?”

  “Is that what you want? Easy? Nothing comes easy. Especially relationships. If you want something, you have to work at it. God gives us the building materials, but it’s up to us to make something out of them. We can leave them there and do nothing with them until they disintegrate into a pile of dust. Or we can grab a hammer and nails and build a palace to live in or a boat to sail around the world in.”

  “You talk like an Englischer.”

  Josiah tapped the side of his head. “That’s hard-earned wisdom right there.”

  Jaden chuckled. “Is that what you call it?”

  His bruder smiled. “Something like that.”

  ~

  Martha sat out in the phone shanty at ten till seven, then waited until seven fifteen before picking up the phone to dial Jaden’s number again. Why hadn’t he called? Had he been busy?

  “Hello, Jaden. It’s Martha Miller again. Um…if you could just call back whenever and leave a message telling me when a good time is to call you back, that would be gut.” She left her number in case he’d lost or forgotten it, then hung up the phone.

  She sighed. “What’s going on with you, Jaden?”

  TWENTY-THREE

  “I’m glad you came to see me. I’ve been worried about you.”

  Ach, just being in Sammy’s presence caused a peace to wash over Jaden. He didn’t know what it was about this man, but there was definitely something special.

  “I hoped you’d show up tomorrow morning.” The older man said. “But today is fine too.”

  “I’m a mess, Sammy.” He admitted.

  “Wanna tell me about it?”

  Jaden glanced around the barn. “Is anyone here?”

  “I suppose everyone’s out and about.” He gestured to his horse. “Why don’t we take a ride in my buggy? No interruptions there.”

  “Okay.” He helped Sammy hitch up the horse.

  “You talk. I’ll drive.” Sammy motioned for him to enter the passenger’s side.”

  As soon as the buggy wheels hit the pavement, Jaden gave Sammy a rundown of the past week and a half, leaving out very few details.

  “It doesn’t sound all bad. Both of your teaching projects went well, then?” Sammy’s brow arched.

  “They did.”

  “Have you been reading your Bible every day?”

  “I’m afraid I’ve failed in that area.”

  “I see.” Sammy nodded. “Well, that explains a lot. Walk in the Spirit and ye shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. Whenever we walk in the flesh, we’re destined for failure. God’s words must be our sustenance.”

  “I do still have a couple of verses memorized and they have helped me. Especially the imagination one.”

  Sammy frowned, a question in his eyes.

  “Casting down imaginations.” Jaden reminded him.

  “That’s a gut one, for sure.”

  “It helps me when wicked thoughts pop into my mind.”

  “The key is to not dwell on evil when we see it. Job said, “I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes.” It is not that we will never see things. We will. But the key is to not allow our mind to dwell on these things. It all goes back to submitting our thoughts to Der Herr and casting down imaginations, like you mentioned.

  “Remember what we read? Resist the devil and he will flee from you. You must resist. If you don’t, then you are inviting him to wreak havoc in your life. I don’t think you want that. Resist the devil, draw nigh to Gott. That is the only way to get victory over sin. You must resist. You must cling to Der Herr. And it is difficult to do that when you are not in His Word every day.”

  Jaden took a breath and nodded. “What should I do about Martha, then?”

  “You could try being honest with her. She deserves to know the truth.”

  “Ach, that would be hard.”

  “Jah, but you’ve already deserted her for less than that. You can’t live your life in fear. If you do, you’ll always be running. You’ll never have rest for your soul.”

  “And what about her bruder Nathaniel?”

  “There’s a gut chance his view will change once you’ve been honest and you and Martha have worked things out.” Sammy eyed him, then trained his gaze back on the road. “You say he’s going on that mission trip?”

  Jaden nodded.

  “That sounds like a gut opportunity to lay things out for Martha. But I also think you need to be honest with the guys. You need them on your side. You need their prayers and support. We are all in this together. Remember, none of us is without sin. He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall find mercy.

  “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and He delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with His hand. Der Herr is on your side, sohn. It is impossible to fail when you follow His lead.”

  “Do you think I should share things with the guys tomorrow, then?” Jaden held his breath.

  “That’s a gut place to start. I will be praying for you.”

  ~

  Jaden didn’t think he’d ever been more nervous in this life. Even now, the cup of coffee trembled in his hands. Ach, how could he do this?

  Gott, please give me the strength.

  All the men gathered around the living room, and as they always did, Sammy led off with prayer.

  “Before we begin, Jaden has a confession he’d like to make.” Sammy nodded for Jaden to share his heart.

  He took a deep breath. Ach, this was hard. But he respected and trusted these men. “I’m overcoming homosexuality.”

  Jaden didn’t miss Silas’s eyes widening or Paul’s jaw dropping. Michael nodded. Josiah frowned.

  He forged on. “I’m not going to lie. Part of me wants to run with the world that accepts every behavior and says everything is permissible. But I’ve given my life to Gott and I want to be pleasing to Him. Sammy showed me that the only way to overcome sin is to confess it and forsake it. That is my struggle. And if you guys could help me and keep me in your prayers, I would be grateful. Because it is a struggle. But by Gott’s grace, I know I can overcome it.”

  Sammy looked at each of the men and encouraged them to lay their hands on Jaden and say a prayer for him. Jaden didn’t know if it was his own emotions or the power of the Holy Spirit in the room, but the presence of Gott felt so real. It was almost like a hug from Der Herr, and it brought him to tears.

  When the men finished praying, Jaden knew the power of Gott had touched them too. His bruder engulfed him in a bear hug and told him that he was proud of him for coming forward. Now that he knew what Jaden was dealing with, he’d know better how to pray for him and how to help him. The men also pledged to help hold him accountable. Even Martha’s older brothers were encouraging.

  Jaden never knew what it was like to have friends like this. This was how he pictured the family of Gott to be. And he was so glad to be a part of it. But he needed to remind himself that he wasn’t the only one with struggles. These men needed his prayers as much as he needed theirs.

  TWENTY-FOUR

  Jaden smiled as some of the scholars came up to greet him after the church meeting. He had apparently made many friends during his teaching stint last week. Several of the parents regarded him kindly, as well.

  He glanced toward the house to see if there was any movement yet. The non-members had been asked to step out while the members had a meeting. Everyone knew what the meeting was about.

  Ten minutes later, people began filing outside the house and Jaden helped the men set up the tables and benches for the common meal. He glanced around for his bruder, then finally spotted him toward the back of the group still exiting the house.

  The women moved about, setting out place settings and dishes of food on each table. But Jaden couldn’t think of eating at the moment. He needed to know the outcome of the meeting. Finding out what had transpired would require him t
o sequester his bruder or Sammy away from the others. He couldn’t wait until the buggy ride back to Josiah’s house. He needed to know now.

  He pulled his bruder aside. Josiah hadn’t said a word, but the apologetic look he’d given Jaden said it all. Detweiler’s district had chosen to disfellowship with Bontrager’s.

  Ach, this couldn’t be happening.

  ~

  Jaden glanced out the side of the buggy, lost in thought as his bruder drove toward home.

  “It isn’t all bad news, though. Family members in the districts can still fellowship. So Bailey is free to come and go,” Josiah said.

  “Jah, but what about the youngie?”

  “That’s the bad news. No dating between the church districts. I’m sorry, bruder. I wish the news were better.”

  “What about our men’s group?”

  Josiah shrugged. “That’s pretty much been covert from the start. The leaders know nothing about it.”

  “So, Sammy won’t uphold the Bann?”

  “As far as I know, Sammy’s always pretty much done his own thing. I don’t doubt he’d risk shunning over it. He’s more inclined to let Gott lead him on such matters.”

  It looked like another trip to Sammy’s was in order. He needed some advice.

  ~

  “I’m afraid I can’t tell you what to do in this matter,” Sammy said. “You have to obey your conscience and only you know what it is telling you. Just make sure it is your conscience—or the nudging of the Spirit—and not your heart. Remember, the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. The faith of many has been derailed because they’ve followed their hearts. You pray about it, then let Der Herr guide you. I will be praying for you too.”

  Jaden blew out a breath. “Denki, Sammy.”

  ~

  “Do you know what time the mission group is heading out tomorrow?” Jaden asked Josiah over supper.

  “First thing in the morning.” He took a bite of his fried chicken. “Bailey is still stewing over it.”

  “She really wanted to go.” Nora commented. Jaden caught the sympathy in his sister-in-law’s voice.

  Josiah sighed. “I know. But, honestly, I’m siding with Timothy on this one. It isn’t safe for her to travel right now.”

  “I suppose she’ll eventually get over it,” Nora said.

  “As soon as she has her boppli, she’ll realize it was worth it.” Josiah smiled. “Nothing like holding your own flesh and blood in your arms for the first time. Right, fraa?”

  “True.” She nodded.

  “I still can’t believe I’m going to be a grossdawdi.” Josiah shook his head.

  “It’s pretty crazy. I’ll have to call you an old man now.” Jaden teased.

  TWENTY-FIVE

  Jaden waited until an hour past the time Josiah had said the mission group would leave, before calling his driver. He couldn’t chance running into Nathaniel, not until he explained everything to Martha.

  Even though he wasn’t allowed to date her, he needed to let her know what was going on. Who knew? There was a gut chance she wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him once she found out the truth. All he knew was that he had to explain things from his point of view before she heard rumors from anywhere else.

  He’d been praying all morning for the right words and that Der Herr would give Martha an understanding heart.

  As soon as the car rolled to a stop, he handed over the money and slid out. He hoped Martha was home. Just in case, he’d asked his driver to wait.

  He bounced on his toes as he knocked on the door. When Martha opened it, he quickly dismissed his driver.

  “Jaden! You’re here.”

  Ach, her smile was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. He would have taken her in his arms then and there, if he hadn’t heard one of her family members shuffling around in the kitchen.

  She stared at him. “How come you didn’t return my phone calls?”

  “It’s a long story. Do you have time to talk right now?”

  “Ach, I was just about to take the wash out to hang up. You can help me.”

  “You got it.” He stepped into the house and hefted the basket laden with wet clothing. “Lead the way, schatzi.”

  “You know mei bruder and schweschder left this morning, right?” She walked out to the clothesline that stretched from the barn to another outbuilding.

  He nodded.

  She bent down and picked up one of the wet dresses.

  Jaden helped by pinning it to the line. “Did you hear the news yet?”

  “What news?”

  “Detweiler’s had a meeting yesterday.” Heaviness pressed in as he said the words.

  “And?”

  “No dating between districts.” His eyes sought hers.

  “Ach, nee!”

  “So, if we’re going to court, it will have to be in secret.”

  “But we already are.”

  He reached over and slid his hand across hers. “I know. But I’m still in my proving time. I have three weeks yet before they’ll count me as a member.”

  “Do we have to stop seeing each other then?”

  “Trying to keep me away from the most beautiful girl in the world is like trying to keep hungry ants away from a summer picnic.” He pulled her by the hand until they were behind the barn and out of sight of the house and road. He trapped her between himself and the barn, a hand on the siding near each of her shoulders. He bent down, dropping his lips to hers, and her arms laced around his neck, pressing her form against him. “Ach, Martha.”

  He couldn’t let himself get carried away. Not when he hadn’t shared the truth with her yet.

  “We need to talk,” he murmured in her ear. “Let’s finish the laundry before your mamm or schweschder comes out.”

  Her hand slid up his chest, tempting him further. “If we have to.”

  He caught the desire in her eyes.

  “Schatzi.” He groaned, then brought her close, tasting her lips once again. Did they really have to talk right now? Because he really didn’t care to.

  “Uh…hum!” A throat cleared behind them.

  Jaden and Martha instantly broke apart but his heart continued to race frantically.

  “Emily!” Martha grunted.

  “I thought that was what you two might be doing out here.” She thrust a hand on her hip. “Martha, laundry needs done.”

  “Don’t say anything to Mamm, okay?” Martha said, sharing a worried glance with Jaden.

  “Whatever.” Martha’s youngest sister rolled her eyes.

  “I mean it. Jaden’s not even supposed to be here. Detweiler’s shunned us.”

  Emily gasped. “What?” She looked to Jaden for confirmation.

  He nodded. “It’s true.”

  “What are you guys going to do?”

  Jaden felt like saying I thought that was obvious, but decided against it.

  “Well, we’re going to do laundry right now,” Martha said.

  “Uh-huh.” Emily shook her head, then prodded back toward the house. She called over her shoulder. “I’m going to be watching you two!”

  Martha giggled. “Well, I guess we better put this laundry up. What was that you wanted to say?”

  “Ach, I’ll tell you later.”

  “Nee, tell me now. I don’t like waiting.”

  “Martha.” He sighed heavily. “You’re not going to like what I have to say.”

  She stopped what she was doing and stared at him. “Why?”

  “Remember how I told you about my past and that I’d learned things I wish I hadn’t, and did things that I wasn’t proud of?”

  “Jah.”

  “Well, I still struggle with those issues.”

  “What issues?”

  He looked around. It wouldn’t do if her schweschder Emily was somewhere listening in on their conversation. He moved close and whispered his secrets in her ear.

  Martha gasped, then frowned. “Jaden.” She stepped back—away from him
.

  He tried not to take it as a rejection. He wasn’t sure he could stand rejection from the woman he’d come to love more than anything. He sucked in a breath and held it.

  It took her a moment to find words. “I don’t know what to say. What am I supposed to do with that?”

  “If it makes you feel any better, I’m doing my best to put it behind me. But I knew I needed to be honest with you. That is what I struggle with.”

  “So, what does that mean for us?” Tears shimmered in her eyes. “Do you not find me attractive?”

  “Ach, Martha. You already know that I do.” He frowned. His voice lowered. “Have you already forgotten last Sunday?”

  “Nee, I could never ever forget that.” Her cheeks darkened, then the corner of her lips turned down. “It’s just…if you’re enticed by that, I don’t know if I’ll be able to trust you. Because you will be among other men every time you are away from me.”

  “I know. I realize that. But everyone that I know of around here isn’t the same way I am.”

  “But what if someone was? And they befriended you? And you were attracted to them?” Tears welled in her eyes. “Jaden, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t be married to you and be wondering if my husband is…”

  “If we marry, I will be fully committed to us and our family, if Der Herr blesses us with one.”

  “I don’t know if that’s enough.” She sobbed.

  He refrained from taking her into his arms. “All I can do is my best. I can’t pledge a perfect sinless life. It doesn’t exist for any of us. I’m afraid that’s all I can promise you, Martha. “I would understand if you wanted to end our relationship.” He swallowed, hoping—praying—she wouldn’t. “Right now.”

  “Is that what you want?”

  “Nee, not at all. I love you, schatzi.” He swallowed, hating the fact that this was hurting her. “Here’s the thing, though. I’ve asked Der Herr to help me, and I really think He is. The Bible says that if we delight in Gott then He will give us the desires of our hearts. I understand that to mean that He will put the desires He wants us to have into our hearts. I feel like that is what He is doing with me. Because I’ve never wanted a relationship with someone as much as I do with you. I’ve fallen in love with you, Martha Miller. And, by the grace of Gott, I want to spend all my days with you. I will do my best to do right by you.