A Secret of the Soul (Amish Secrets--Book 6) Read online

  A Secret of the Soul

  (Amish Secrets – Book 6)

  J.E.B. Spredemann

  Copyright 2017 by J.E.B. Spredemann

  All rights reserved. No part of this work/book may be copied, transmitted, or stored in any form or by any means, except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without prior written consent from the authors/publisher.

  All incidents and characters in this book are completely fictional and derived by the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual incidents and persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

  Disclaimer: The herbal information in this book was derived by the author’s (J.S.) education and experience as a Nutritional Herbologist, but is written for fictional and informational use only. No herbal information in this book is, in any way, meant as a prescription or medical advice. This information has not been approved by the FDA, AMA, or any other government agency. It is your constitutional right to prescribe for yourself, if you choose to do so. The author assumes no responsibility for the treatments in this book, if you should choose to implement them. Therefore, the government requires the recommendation that you see your health care provider if you have any medical concerns/issues.

  Published in Indiana by Blessed Publishing.

  www.jebspredemann.com

  All Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version of the Holy Bible.

  Cover design by iCreate Designs ©

  ISBN: 978-1-940492-30-8

  10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  BOOKS BY J.E.B. SPREDEMANN

  (*J. Spredemann)

  AMISH GIRLS SERIES

  Joanna’s Struggle

  Danika’s Journey

  Chloe’s Revelation

  Susanna’s Surprise

  Annie’s Decision

  Abigail’s Triumph

  Brooke’s Quest

  Leah’s Legacy

  NOVELS*

  Love Impossible*

  Amish by Accident*

  An Unforgivable Secret* - Amish Secrets 1

  A Secret Encounter* - Amish Secrets 2

  A Secret of the Heart* - Amish Secrets 3

  An Undeniable Secret* - Amish Secrets 4

  A Secret Sacrifice - Amish Secrets 5

  A Secret of the Soul* - Amish Secrets 6

  Learning to Love – Saul’s Story* (Sequel to Chloe’s Revelation – adult novella)

  Englisch on Purpose (Prequel to Amish by Accident)*

  NOVELLAS

  A Christmas of Mercy – Amish Girls Holiday

  Christmas in Paradise – (Final book in Amish by Accident trilogy)

  NOVELETTES*

  Cindy’s Story* – An Amish Fairly Tale Novelette 1

  Rosabelle’s Story* – An Amish Fairly Tale Novelette 2

  COMING 2018 (Lord Willing)

  A Secret Christmas – Amish Secrets 2.5

  Table of Contents

  Glossary

  Characters

  Prologue

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Eighteen

  Nineteen

  Twenty

  Twenty-One

  Twenty-Two

  Twenty-Three

  Twenty-Four

  Twenty-Five

  Twenty-Six

  Twenty-Seven

  Twenty-Eight

  Twenty-Nine

  Thirty

  Thirty-One

  Thirty-Two

  Thirty-Three

  Thirty-Four

  Thirty-Five

  Thirty-Six

  Thirty-Seven

  Thirty-Eight

  Thirty-Nine

  Epilogue

  Unofficial Glossary of Pennsylvania Dutch Words

  Ach – Oh

  Aldi – Girlfriend

  Alt Maedel – Old Maid

  Bann – Shunning

  Boppli – Baby

  Bopplin – Babies

  Buss – Kiss

  Daed/Dat – Dad

  Dawdi Haus – A small house intended to house parents or grandparents

  Denki – Thanks

  Der Herr – The Lord

  Deitsch – Pennsylvania German

  Dochder – Daughter

  Englischer – A non-Amish person

  Ferhoodled – Mixed up, crazy

  Gott – God

  Grossdawdi – Grandfather

  Grossmammi – Grandmother

  Gut – Good

  Jah – Yes

  Kapp – Amish head covering

  Kinner – Children

  Mamm – Mom

  Mudder – Mother

  Nee – No

  Ordnung – Rules of the Amish community

  Schatzi – Sweetheart

  Sehr gut – Very good

  Sohn – Son

  Verboten – Forbidden

  Was is less – What is wrong?

  Characters in A Secret of the Soul

  The Zook Family

  Elam – Protagonist

  Danny – Elam’s Amish brother

  Scramble – Elam’s dog

  The Zachariah Zook Family

  Zach – Elam’s ex-Amish cousin (Antagonist of A Secret Sacrifice)

  Rosanna – Zach’s ex-Amish wife (Protagonist of A Secret Sacrifice)

  The Yoder Family

  Julianna (Julie) Yoder – Elam’s Amish ex-girlfriend

  Obadiah Yoder – Julianna’s father

  Elnora Yoder – Julianna’s mother

  Mark Yoder – Julianna’s brother

  Naomi Yoder – Julianna’s sister

  Others

  Martha Yoder – Julianna’s cousin

  Chase – Elam’s Englisch friend from church

  Mike – Elam’s Englisch friend from church and leader of the singles class

  Megan – A young Englisch woman who attends Elam’s church

  Tabitha Stolzfoos – Danny’s girlfriend

  Cletus Stolzfoos – Tabitha’s older brother and Julianna’s ex-boyfriend

  Mose Hershberger – Amish bishop

  To those who have selflessly cared for loved ones in their time of need. Take comfort in the words of Jesus, “Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

  Author’s Note

  It should be noted that the Amish/Mennonite people and their communities differ one from another. There are, in fact, no two Amish communities exactly alike. It is this premise on which this book is written. I have taken cautious steps to assure the authenticity of Amish practices and customs. Old Order Amish and New Order Amish may be portrayed in this work of fiction and may differ from some communities.

  We, as Englischers, can learn a lot from the Plain People and their simple way of life. Their hard work, close-knit family life, and concern for others are to be applauded. As the Lord wills, may this special culture continue to be respected and remain so for many centuries to come, and may the light of God’s salvation reach their hearts.

  PROLOGUE

  Elam grasped the buggy reins in his hands as he headed toward home, pondering the night he and Julianna had ‘officially’ broken up. It was a place he hadn’t visited often in the last six years, because it had been too painful. But now, he gave himself permission to think about the past.

  It had been just like any othe
r Sunday night, and he’d approached her after the singing. There she’d stood just as beautiful as ever.

  “Are you ready to go, Julie?” He was sure his face beamed as it usually did in her presence. This had always been the highlight of his week—spending time with his aldi.

  She frowned. “No, Elam. I…” She’d stopped mid-sentence and he followed her gaze.

  He turned to see what she’d been looking at.

  Cletus Stolzfoos approached. “The rig’s all hitched up, Julianna. Let’s go?”

  Julianna’s eyes momentarily flitted to Elam’s, then she nodded to Cletus. “Jah, I’m ready.”

  What?

  Elam’s heart plunged into his stomach, it felt, as he watched Julianna pass him by and walk straight out of the house with Cletus. She didn’t look back. Not even once.

  He’d been too stunned to say anything, to do anything. There had been no explanation, no anything.

  After she’d left with Cletus again at the next singing, Elam never returned. It hurt too much.

  That was when he’d decided to leave the community, but not without first giving Julianna a piece of his mind. He’d headed out to the Yoder residence and found Julianna inside preparing supper. Fortunately, he hadn’t seen her father around anywhere.

  “Can you have someone else look after that? We need to talk.” Elam did his best to keep his cool, as he stood near the back door. He didn’t bother to remove his hat.

  Julianna sighed, as though he’d ruined her day by showing up. “Uh, jah.” She left the cook stove and beckoned one of her sisters, then met Elam outside.

  “Do you want to take a walk?” He did his best to keep his wits about him. Not an easy task when he was close enough to take her in his arms and kiss her breathless.

  She shrugged. “We can walk along the fence.”

  He stepped beside her. “I’m leaving.”

  She nodded but said nothing, just kept her gaze straight.

  Fire burned in his veins and clenched his heart. “You don’t even care, do you? Fine. You want to know something? I never cared for you either. At one time, I thought that maybe we had something special. But I was wrong. That’s obvious.

  “How can you just hook up with Cletus like that? Oh, jah, that’s right. I forgot. He’s rich. Well, fine. I can find me a girl who ain’t a money grubber. One who’s kind and smart and pretty. One day, I’ll find a girl worthy of my love.

  “You go ahead and court Cletus, but don’t come looking for me if it don’t work out. Because I won’t be here.”

  He didn’t even bother to look her way before stomping off. Perhaps she was shedding tears, he didn’t know, but he didn’t want to see it. And if she wasn’t shedding tears, well, he didn’t want to see that either. All he wanted to do was get away where he wouldn’t have to think about or see Julianna Yoder with someone else.

  How many times had he imagined himself and Julianna surrounded by loved ones while they took their vows? How many times had he dreamed of falling asleep with her in his arms? How many times had he looked forward to a houseful of kinner that mirrored the both of them?

  The words he’d uttered had been nothing more than a boldfaced lie. Because, in truth, he had loved her with all his soul. In truth, if she had asked, he would have taken her back in a heartbeat. In truth, his heart had been on the verge of a complete meltdown.

  CHAPTER ONE

  “You’re joking, right?” Elam Zook reclined in the easy chair, and his eyes zeroed in on his cousin Zachariah. Although he admitted thinking about it a time or two himself over the past few years, the idea was preposterous.

  “Why not? You’re single and young. For the most part, anyway.” Zach laughed.

  Elam threw the wadded paper towel, from the snack they’d previously enjoyed, at his cousin. “Twenty-seven is hardly an old man.”

  “Not by Englisch standards, no. But by Amish standards you’re practically unmarriable.”

  “There’s plenty of men who have gotten married at my age or older.” Why did he feel a need to defend himself?

  “Name one,” Zach challenged.

  Elam wiped his hands on his jeans. “Okay. Uh…”

  “See? I told you.”

  “Ach, give me a minute to think.” His lips twisted. “Silas Bontrager.”

  “Doesn’t count. He was a widower.”

  Elam frowned. “Doesn’t count?”

  “Nope. We’re talking single men.”

  “I thought you were trying to talk me into going back, not out of it.”

  “You missed my point. I didn’t say to go back and make a kneeling confession. Just scope out the place. You know, ask around. See if…” Zach met Elam’s gaze and a knowing look passed between them.

  “See if Julianna Yoder is married?” His forehead creased.

  “Why not?”

  “It’s a ridiculous idea.”

  Zach nodded, a grin creeping up one side of his mouth. “What would it hurt? You have no clue how many times I’ve heard you speak her name, yet I’ve never met her. She must’ve meant something to you. Besides, you need to find yourself a good woman.”

  He ignored that last comment. He didn’t need a woman. Did he? “Nah, I know she’s married. She has to be.”

  “But you’re not sure.”

  “As sweet and as beautiful as Julie was, there’s no way she’d still be single.”

  “Are you afraid of what you might find?”

  “Yes! Who knows which of my friends she’s married to.”

  “Aren’t you curious? What if she’s not married? What then?”

  “Exactly my point.”

  “You could save her from being an alt maedel.”

  “She’s not. Trust me. There’s no way. Besides, do you know how much she hurt me? I couldn’t go through that again.” He clutched his heart for effect.

  “I thought you left because you wanted to become Englisch.”

  “Nope. Not exactly. She sealed my decision to leave. I would have stayed if she hadn’t…” Elam sighed. “I promised myself I wouldn’t go back.”

  “O…kay.”

  “Okay, what? What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “At one time, I thought things were hopeless between Rosanna and me. Now look at us.” His eyes narrowed and he pointed to his prosthetic leg. “And I’m not even a whole man.”

  Just then, Rosanna Keim, or Rosanna Zook for the past six years, entered the room with a little one in her arms. “I think she wants her daddy.”

  Elam didn’t miss the look of love in her eyes as they made contact with her husband’s. It would be nice to have someone look at him that way, he admitted to himself.

  “And you, Zachariah Zook, are all the man I want.” She gently caressed her husband’s chin.

  Zachariah took the baby from her arms and his features lit with joy. How could his cousin have a passel of children already, yet he didn’t even have a wife? Or a girlfriend, for that matter. No one would ever call him lucky in love, that’s for sure.

  “I’m going to make supper now. Will you keep an eye on the children?”

  Zach nodded, his gaze never leaving the little one in his arms.

  “You’ll need to check on Johnny, Lena, and Isaac. They’re playing on the swings,” Rosanna reminded, then planted a kiss on her husband’s cheek. She turned to Elam. “You joining us for supper?”

  “Nah. I better get home.” He wasn’t sure why he proffered an excuse. It wasn’t like he had anything important to do at home. Nope. The only thing that awaited him at home were four square walls, and a decent size television with a handful of movies he’d already watched too many times.

  And Scramble. He couldn’t forget Scramble. His beloved mixed golden retriever had got him through many a lonesome day. But sometimes, humans just needed human companionship. Not the easiest thing to find for a former Amish man whose family and friends had all remained Amish.

  At least he had Zach. He’d grown up in another district but they were cousin
s by blood. And both ex-Amish. Although he hadn’t served in the military like his cousin had, he had been shunned because he left after he’d become an official baptized member at the age of sixteen. He never thought at the time he’d come to regret that decision—he was fully committed to his people. But when the situation with Julianna transpired, he knew he couldn’t stay.

  If it wasn’t for Zachariah and Rosanna and their encouragement, he’d probably still be Amish. And miserable. Now that he’d tasted freedom, he didn’t see going back as a possibility. Ever.

  ~

  Elam knew the idea of returning to his Amish community was outrageous, so why couldn’t he get it out of his mind? Zachariah’s words played in his head once again. You could save her from becoming an alt maedel. Even more outrageous was the idea of Julianna having not found a suitor after he’d left. It’s impossible.

  He had to find out for sure, didn’t he? He’d thought he’d been sure. After he’d heard the rumors years ago, he’d wanted to go back but couldn’t get himself to do it. But now…what if she had become an old maid? Of course, that wouldn’t be his fault. She’d had her chance with him. So then why was he even considering going back?

  Deep in his soul, he knew what it was. It was almost as if there were some unseen force compelling him onward. Was it the voice of God? He couldn’t be for sure and certain. He just knew that if he didn’t go, he wouldn’t find peace.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Elam pulled his baseball cap down as far as it would go and adjusted his sunglasses. Hopefully, his thin goatee and Englisch clothing would brand him an authentic Englischer. He’d have to remember his posture—no stooping as many of his people carried themselves. He needed to maintain the demeanor of an Englischer, shoulders straight and proud. He’d have to remember not to let his Deitsch accent slip. Since he’d left a little over five years ago, that was one thing he’d tried desperately to lose. He only spoke in his mother tongue when he and Zach were out somewhere and wanted to keep their conversation between the two of them. But one’s heritage was not something one could just lose at the drop of a hat, even if intentional.