A Secret of the Soul (Amish Secrets--Book 6) Read online

  Goosebumps prickled on his arms as his vehicle entered his former Amish community. As he passed each familiar house, remembrances of years gone by—the church meetings, youth singings, and those who occupied each home—had come rushing back like a locomotive hurling down the tracks at maximum speed. But one memory in particular jarred his thoughts. His final day with Julianna.

  Over the years, he’d dated just a handful of girls in his Kentucky district. Most, only once. There were two who’d ever held a special place in his heart, or he’d thought he might have a chance with. The first was Saloma Troyer, who had come from Pennsylvania to work as a school teacher. They would have made a good match had her heart not already belonged to an Englischer. She and William Griffith were married less than a year later, probably with several children by now. At that time, he never would have considered becoming an Englischer himself. But time and circumstances had a way of changing things.

  Then there was Julianna.

  Elam was certain she was his one true love. They’d dated in secret for just over a year. He had every intention of marrying her. But when he approached her father and asked for her hand, he’d flat-out refused to let his daughter marry him. When asked why, her father hadn’t given him a reason.

  In his heart, he knew the reason. Her father hadn’t thought him good enough for his daughter.

  Because Elam’s father had been injured in a buggy accident years prior, he hadn’t been too successful with finances. Injuries were tough for Amish families who depended on physical labor for their income. The entire community knew that their family’s funds had been lacking at times and they’d pitched in to help. When Elam was old enough, he’d found odd jobs working for Englischers and was able to contribute. But apparently, that hadn’t been good enough for Julianna’s father.

  He knew he shouldn’t have, but at the time, he’d asked Julianna to leave the community with him. He couldn’t imagine not being married to her. But she refused to leave their people, and he knew she’d been scared. Now that he thought back on it, he wondered if she, too, had doubted his ability to provide for her.

  The next thing Elam knew, Julianna was riding home from singings with Cletus Stolzfoos. Cletus just so happened to be from one the most well-respected and wealthiest families in their district. His father owned a five-hundred-acre spread including a prosperous horse ranch. Cletus’ father had trained horses that went on to win the Kentucky Derby. Cletus appeared to be walking in his father’s footsteps, and as the youngest son, stood to inherit the Stolzfoos property. They had no lack of material possessions, unlike Elam’s family.

  That was when Elam decided it would be best if he left. He couldn’t bear to stick around and watch the woman he loved marry another and start a family with him. He couldn’t bear attending meeting and other community-wide functions and seeing the love of his life ride home with another man. As he mused on it now, the thought still sickened him to his stomach.

  According to the rumors, though, the relationship with Cletus hadn’t lasted. Elam had already been in the world for six months then, making a good living, and he was still too upset to return home. Julianna had made her choice, and it wasn’t him. He still sent his family money each month to help them get by—anonymously, of course, although he was quite certain his folks knew it was from him. Mamm hadn’t wanted him to leave but he saw no other choice if he wanted to keep his sanity. He’d already lost his heart.

  What am I even doing here?

  He wasn’t ready to do this yet.

  He spun into the closest driveway to turn his truck around. He began backing up and a distinct thud grabbed his attention. His head whipped around to see a buggy toppled over on its side.

  Oh no! I hit someone. Shoot!

  He immediately pulled his vehicle forward into the driveway he’d just backed out of and shut off the engine. He ran around his truck to the buggy. He crouched down in front of the buggy’s windshield, which seemed to be intact.

  A young woman, most likely a few years younger than him, lay on her side inside the buggy. He prayed she wasn’t injured.

  “Ma’am, are you all right?”

  She seemed startled, and understandably so. “Jah, I’m gut. I think.” She began to move.

  Elam thrust forth his hand to stop her. “Wait. Don’t move yet. Does anything hurt?”

  “Nee. I’m fine. I might have a bruise or two, but I don’t think anything’s broken.”

  He pulled his cell phone from his pants pocket.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m going to call 9-1-1.”

  “Nee. No! I’m fine, really.”

  He understood her aversion to calling an ambulance. Most Amish in his district took care of issues on their own as much as possible, only procuring a doctor’s care if absolutely necessary.

  The horse whinnied.

  “I need to get out,” she insisted.

  “Let me help.” He examined the buggy for the best possible way to escape. “Can you crawl through the back?”

  “I think so.”

  “Okay. If anything hurts too badly, I want you to stop. Okay?”

  “Jah.”

  Elam looked up to see a buggy coming from the opposite direction. The driver pulled to the side of the road and two men jumped out and crossed the road. He recognized the older man, but not the younger one.

  “Martha? Are you okay?” The younger man rushed to the woman.

  “Jah, I’m fine.” She’d managed to crawl out of the buggy and stood up. Her prayer kapp sat disheveled on her head.

  Elam stepped forward. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even see you.”

  “Stupid Englisch.”

  He understood what the young man had spoken in their native language.

  The young woman frowned. “Nee. It was an accident.” She’d replied in the language they thought he couldn’t understand.

  “He was careless.” The man shook his head. “Dat will be upset about his buggy.”

  They must be brother and sister. Maybe I should let them know somehow that I can understand them. But he didn’t want to give away his identity.

  The older man stroked the horse’s head. He looked back at the buggy. “Help me get this upright. We’ll need to try to unhitch the horse first. I think she’s calm enough now.” At least he’d spoken in English.

  “What would you like for me to do, sir?” Elam offered, pretending to be clueless, like the Englischer they presumed him to be.

  They eyed him, most likely doubting he could be of any use at all.

  The younger man grunted as a car pulled up.

  “Why don’t you direct traffic?” The older man suggested.

  “Okay.” Elam turned back to the young woman again. “I’m really sorry, miss.”

  He waved the car through and frowned when another buggy rolled up and stopped. Another man got out and crossed the road. This was becoming uncomfortable. He turned as though watching for traffic, hoping to not be recognized. He had no desire to let these people know his identity, yet he was thankful for the help.

  He briefly wondered about Martha and her brother. He didn’t think he’d ever seen them before, but something about Martha seemed familiar to him. Did they live in a neighboring Amish community? Honey Ridge, possibly?

  In a short time, they had the buggy upright and the horse standing. By looking them over, both seemed to be in remarkably good condition. The buggy had a tear in the exterior vinyl and the wheel seemed like it might be slightly bent, nothing an Amish artificer couldn’t repair. The horse’s eyes were wide and she pranced anxiously, as though she were scared. But she didn’t seem to be injured.

  He now wondered if his auto insurance covered horse and buggy replacement, something he’d never considered in the past. He’d never been one to carry a lot of cash, and he knew he only had a couple of twenties in his wallet. Perhaps he should offer those. He pulled his wallet out and removed the bills.

  “I don’t know how much it’ll take to
fix your buggy, but I have some cash on hand. It’s not much.” He shrugged and offered it to the young woman.

  She glanced toward her brother, who was now looking over the horse with the two other gentleman. She looked unsure whether she should accept the money or not.

  “I could give you my number, or you could give me yours. I can call you after I talk to my insurance agent. I’m not sure whether they cover horse and buggy. If they don’t, I’ll pay whatever it costs to have the buggy repaired.”

  “Let me ask my brother, Jerome.” She called the young man over and explained the situation in their native tongue.

  The young man, Jerome, nodded and took the money from Elam’s hand without saying a word.

  “I’ll get my number for you.” Elam ran back to his truck for a pen and piece of paper. He scribbled down his number, tore the paper in half, and handed it to the young woman. “Will you write your number down?”

  “We don’t have a home phone, just the one in the phone shanty. You could leave a message.” She began to write the number down, but her brother grabbed the pen from her and thrust it back at Elam.

  “Nee. We will call you if we need to.” It was obvious this young man didn’t like him and was trying to be difficult.

  Elam didn’t protest and took his pen back. “Okay. Just let me know.”

  By the look of it, the older man agreed to drive the damaged buggy. The brother and sister made their way toward the other buggy the two men had originally arrived in.

  “Wait! I don’t know your name,” Elam called out.

  “Martha. Martha Yoder.”

  Yoder?

  Elam watched as the two buggies drove away. Could it be that this Martha Yoder was related to Julianna? Yoder was a popular name, but it wasn’t as common in these parts as it was in other Amish communities. There was a very real possibility that Martha and Julianna Yoder were related.

  Was this just a coincidence, or had God allowed their paths to cross for a reason?

  CHAPTER THREE

  “Elam Zook.”

  Elam turned from the pew he was about to vacate and looked up at the possessor of the voice that had called for his attention. Ted Jorgenson, the assistant pastor, approached.

  “Yes, Brother Ted?”

  “Have you thought about joining our singles group? I’m certain you’d enjoy it.”

  “No, I haven’t. When is it? And where?”

  “They meet here at the church. Sometimes they just hang out here and have Bible study and fellowship. And other times they go out bowling, play volleyball, ice skating, or some other outdoor activity.”

  Hmm. Kind of sounds like an Amish singing.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “It would give you a chance to get to know some of the young men and women your age. Singles from one of our sister churches also come from time to time.”

  “Is the purpose to find a mate?”

  Ted chuckled. “Not specifically. But I can’t say that some of our married couples haven’t emerged from the singles group. Are you looking for a spouse?”

  Now that was a question. Was he looking for a spouse? He wasn’t sure himself.

  “Not particularly. But if God brings one along, that’s fine with me.”

  “Well, you never know what God might have planned for you.” Ted cupped his shoulder. “The singles meet at six on Saturday evenings. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind a new member joining their group.”

  Elam nodded. “No promises, but I’ll think about it.”

  “Good. You do that. Will I see you at church Wednesday night?”

  “I’ll be there.” He shook Ted’s hand and watched him walk off to join his wife and children. The man seemed to be about five years older than Elam, but seemingly had his whole life together. Maybe he should consider going to this singles thing. What could it hurt? He could try it out once and if he didn’t like it, he could stop going. No big deal.

  “Hey, what was that all about?” Zach approached.

  “Oh, Pastor Ted invited me to the singles group.” He shrugged.

  “You should go.” Zach nodded. “Going to the Reformer’s Unanimous meetings here at the church saved my life. I was stubborn about going at first, but after what happened with John…” He swallowed and his voice trailed off. “You should go.”

  Elam knew that speaking about Zach’s former best friend stirred up too many emotions, but he already knew what his cousin hadn’t said. Zach lived with many regrets—things in his past that were impossible to make right. It was something he’d learned to live with, but it hadn’t been easy. Only his faith in God had sustained him.

  “I might just do that.” Elam smiled.

  The last thing he wanted was to live with regrets. Which was why he needed to figure out some things. Namely, what Julianna was doing these days.

  ~

  Elam grabbed a nail from his tool belt and hammered it into the window frame of the storage shed he was building. His mind had been wandering all day, it seemed. Truth be told, he was nervous about attending the singles gathering tonight.

  For the most part, he considered himself slightly introverted. He didn’t despise being around others, he just felt uncomfortable in a setting unfamiliar to him. And while he enjoyed getting to know people one on one, being the center of attention was not his thing. He appreciated peace and quiet, but he also liked having friendships, which was what he was hoping to find at the singles gathering.

  Elam’s lips twisted as he perused his closet. What on earth did people wear to these things anyway? Should he dress how he would for church on Sunday, in khakis and a button down? Somehow, that seemed too formal. He stood in front of his closet and grimaced.

  This must be how females feel when getting dressed for an occasion. Not that he knew anything about that. But he’d heard Zachariah mention Rosanna a time or two. The Amish life was so much simpler. No closet full of clothes to decide from. He stood there another minute and decided a t-shirt would be too casual, so he finally grabbed a short-sleeved buttoned plaid shirt and a pair of dark jeans.

  His palms now began to sweat as he contemplated getting out of the vehicle. Sheesh! It wasn’t like he’d never met new people before. He looked on the seat at his Bible. Did he need to bring it along? Pastor Ted hadn’t said it was a Bible study. Yet, it was a church activity. He would err on the side of caution.

  “Elam?” a voice called as he emerged from his truck.

  “Hey, Chase. I didn’t know you attended the singles group.” His mind was instantly set at ease as his friend approached and shook his hand.

  “Oh, yeah. I wouldn’t miss it. Glad you’re here.”

  “Thanks. Me too.”

  They walked toward the building where Sunday school classes were typically held. Chase opened the door.

  “Hey, guys.” Mike Buller, another acquaintance from church, greeted them.

  They both shook Mike’s hand.

  “Feel free to grab a few slices of pizza and a drink,” Mike offered. “Good to see you here, Brother Elam.”

  Elam smiled and nodded.

  A few moments later, after others had arrived, Mike called the group over to a circle of chairs. “Bring your food and have a seat.”

  Elam sat next to Chase and placed his plate of pizza on top of his Bible.

  “Let’s begin with prayer.” Mike bowed his head and prayed. “Amen.”

  Elam looked around the group—about eight people in attendance, not including Mike. Five young women and three men, himself included. Quite a bit smaller than he’d imagined. And nowhere near the size of an Amish singing. This would only make up one family.

  “Has everyone met Elam?” Mike smiled. “Everyone this is Elam. Elam, this is everyone.”

  Elam chuckled. “Hi, everyone.”

  “If you haven’t gotten a chance to meet him, be sure to say hello before you leave this evening.” Mike rubbed his hands together. “Okay. Let’s get started.” He looked around at each person there. “What
would you say is one of the biggest challenges of being single?”

  A pretty blonde, whom Elam hadn’t met yet, raised her hand. “Everyone asking when I’m going to get married and start a family.”

  The group laughed and nearly everyone nodded in agreement.

  Mike looked at her. “How do you usually respond to that question, Megan?”

  Now Elam knew her name.

  “Well, I usually say something like ‘when God brings the right person to me.’” She smiled and caught Elam’s eye.

  “And how do they respond to that?” Mike queried.

  “They usually just nod. But it doesn’t stop them from asking again.”

  Mike looked at the group again. “Anyone else?”

  Chase spoke this time. “Staying pure. In thoughts and action.”

  “Ooh, that’s a tough one.” Mike nodded. “Anyone else?”

  Another girl raised her hand. “It seems like everyone thinks that singleness is a curse or something. I mean, does everyone have to get married?”

  “Great question, Amber.” Mike opened his Bible. “Let’s read what Paul has to say about that. Turn to First Corinthians chapter seven. Let’s start with verse one and read through to nine.” He proceeded to read the verses.

  “I think this pretty much answers Amber’s question, and the issues Chase brought up. Paul, who was single, by the way, writes that he desired that men and women remain unmarried so they can devote themselves to the Lord.

  “So, to answer your question, Amber, no. There is absolutely nothing wrong with remaining single.” He looked to Chase. “However, if you cannot keep yourselves pure, Paul recommends marriage. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this either. Remember, God said in the Garden of Eden ‘it is not good that man should be alone.’” Mike laughed. “God knows us men pretty well.

  “I think the important part here is to bring God glory. And we can’t do that if we’re living in sin.”

  Everyone in the group nodded in agreement.