A Secret Sacrifice (Amish Secrets--Book 5) Page 14

  “But that’s illegal, ain’t so?”

  “Probably could go to prison for it.” He shrugged. “But it’s true.”

  “So, you were shunned in John’s place?”

  He grasped a clump of his hair. “Swear you won’t tell a soul! I shouldn’t even be telling you this. I promised John. I was supposed to take it to the grave. Nobody can ever know. Promise me, Rosanna, that you won’t tell anyone. He never wanted you to know. He didn't want you to be disappointed in him.”

  “I won’t swear, but I won’t tell either.”

  He expelled a relieved breath.

  “But I still don’t understand. Why would you do that?”

  He shrugged. “I loved John like a brother. And I know he would've done the same for me.”

  “But you could go to prison. You put yourself in harm’s way. You could have been killed. You sacrificed your life and your family. And your leg. You’ll never be able to walk like you used to.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Of course it matters. Everything you’ve experienced is a result of your military service and leaving the Amish. Is that why John…” she let her voice trail off. She stared out into the field the window revealed. A tear slid down her cheek. “I, I don’t know what to say.”

  Could you really like somebody and hate them at the same time? He was certain these were her feelings as this new information processed. “You don’t have to say anything.”

  “But I’ve treated you so wrongly. Here, I thought that you left us because you were a selfish jerk. I judged you harshly. I thought you had to prove something.”

  “I deserved it. And I'm sorry for causing John's death. I hope someday you can forgive me.” He watched Rosanna for a moment, then turned to go.

  Zach was unsure what he was expecting to accomplish by telling Rosanna, but at least now she knew the truth and she could process it however she wanted to.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Rosanna stood dumbfounded. How could Zachariah’s words be true?

  She thought about her time with John and how he’d reacted to everything that had happened. No wonder he’d felt it was his duty to take care of Zach! He must’ve felt indebted to his best friend for his sacrifice. It was like he owed him a debt that could never be paid.

  That explained his favorite Bible verse, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” He hadn’t been using it in reference to himself, all this time he’d been thinking about Zach.

  Now it all made perfect sense.

  The more she understood, the more the ice around her heart thawed. She had been so wrong. Zachariah Zook wasn’t anything like she thought him to be.

  <><><>

  The day John asked Zachariah to stand in his stead seemed like just yesterday. He’d been hesitant when John handed him the envelope with all his information. He’d already known that John had a driver’s license and had taken the test for his GED, but he had no idea that he also owned a Social Security card and had an actual birth certificate. He’d wondered just how long John had been preparing for his venture into the military. And had he acquired all this information without his folks’ knowledge? How on earth had he kept it all a secret? Of course, Zach was the only one who knew John was thinking of leaving the Amish. That was the main reason he’d agreed to the whole military thing. If John and Rosanna married, John would remain Amish his entire life. Never in his imagination had he thought that he’d be the one to leave the Amish.

  If it weren’t for Jesus, it would have all been in vain.

  <><><>

  Zachariah hobbled to the door. It wasn’t often he received visitors, especially since John had been gone. The wound of knowing he’d been partially responsible for his best friend’s death seemed to tear open daily. But now, instead of turning to alcohol for comfort, he’d been turning to God’s Word.

  He knew that to desire John’s widow’s forgiveness had been an unreasonable expectation. He had hoped that after he explained the truth, she would be a little more sympathetic to his plight. But, after an entire week with nary a word from her, it seemed it wasn't meant to be.

  He pulled the door open. “Rosanna? What are you doing here?”

  “I’m hoping you’ll take John’s place again.”

  He blinked. “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve been thinking and praying about it a lot since we talked. This boppli is going to need a gut vatter and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have as a husband.”

  “Woah! What a minute. Are-Are you proposing to me?” He swallowed.

  She shrugged. “If that’s what you want to call it.”

  “But, I don't understand. You said you hated me. You never wanted to see me again. Why would you ask me to marry you?” Zach was having trouble wrapping his head around the idea. Rosanna had never liked him. Even when they'd first met, she'd been attracted to him, but he doubted she ever harbored any true feelings for him. He, on the other hand, hadn't been able to stop caring for her. But now that the moment he dreamed of was here, he was hesitant to hope she felt the same way he did.

  She bowed her head a moment before meeting his eyes. Tears glistened. “I've been a fool. All this time I've despised you for leaving your family and your best friend. I never realized that they were the reason you left. That your sacrifice was for them. For me.”

  He looked away, uncomfortable at the praise she was pinning on him. “I ruined your life, Rosanna. John–”

  “Shh.” Her finger flew to his lips to silence him. “Because of your sacrifice, I experienced some of the best months of my life with John. And who knows what would have happened if he was the one that had gone into the military? Who knows if we would have ever married or if he would have even survived? Don’t you see? You saved him, Zach. I could never thank you enough for that.

  “At first, I didn't want to believe you when you told me the truth. I harbored bitterness toward you, Zach. I didn't want to think that you had been the noble one, and that I had been wrong. But I was wrong and denying it couldn't change that. And now I know that you weren't the man I assumed you to be. In fact, you're so much better. And there's nothing I would rather do than spend the rest of my life with that man.”

  She touched his cheek. “And the truth is, I was attracted to you from the very beginning. I know if John hadn't captured my heart, I most likely would have fallen in love with you. And now, I believe I have. God has blessed me by letting me love two of the best men on this earth.”

  Her revelation was overwhelming. Could he truly allow himself to believe it?

  “I don’t know, Rosanna. I could never fill John’s shoes.”

  “I don’t believe that. Besides, I don’t want you to be John. I want you to be you. You see, I’ve fallen in love with you, Zachariah Zook. You have been the selfless one in this equation. You are the one who sacrificed everything so John and I could have a future. And I can’t imagine a life without you here.”

  Her comforting words warmed his soul like a blazing fire on a wintry morning. But, as much as he longed to, he knew he couldn't simply accept. So many things had changed. “You know what you’re asking of me, right? You’re asking me to go back to my family and community and make a kneeling confession. You’re asking me to become Amish again.”

  She nodded.

  “I don’t know, Rosanna. My beliefs have changed. I’m not sure if I can abide by the Ordnung.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Lord, please speak to Rosanna's heart. “When I left the Amish, I met someone who told me about Jesus.”

  “But didn’t you already know about Jesus? I don’t understand.”

  “It’s not enough to know about Jesus. We need to have a personal relationship with Him.”

  Rosanna frowned. She tried to recall what John had told her about Jesus before he died.

  Zach grabbed His old Bible from the coffee table. “Do you know what this is?”

  “Die Heilige Sch
rift?”

  “That’s correct. It’s a German Bible. Have you read it?”

  “Some.”

  “And what did you think of what you read from it?”

  Rosanna shrugged. “I didn’t really understand much of it.”

  “Why would God give us a book we can’t understand?”

  “I don’t know. But the ministers and the bishop know what it says. That’s why we go to meeting on Sunday.”

  “That’s not good enough for me, Rosanna. See, I think God desires that every person know Him. I think that He wants us to read the Bible and understand it for ourselves, not just believe every word the ministers speak.”

  “But how can we understand it ourselves?”

  Zach put the German Bible back on the table and took his English Bible in his hands. “Let me read something to you.” He flipped the pages to a passage in First John and read, “He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life.” He looked at her. “Do you understand that verse?”

  “I think so. It said that if a person has the Son then they have life. And the person that doesn’t have God’s Son doesn’t have life.”

  “That’s right. And if we keep reading, the next verse explains that the ‘life’ that is written about is ‘eternal life.’ You see, it’s not really that difficult to understand, is it?”

  She shook her head.

  “Rosanna, do you have the Son of God? I know that you’ve heard about Him.” He pointed to the verse. “This doesn’t say if you’ve heard about Jesus then you will have eternal life, it says that if you have God’s Son.”

  “How can I have God’s Son? I don’t know what that means.”

  He handed her his Bible. “Here, read the next verse. One thing I’ve learned about the Bible is that if you read all the verses in the context, you will be able to understand it much better.” Help her to understand, Lord. Help her to believe in You.

  “Okay.” Rosanna took his Bible and read the words silently. She looked up at him. “So, the word believe is to have Jesus? Believe what?”

  “Let’s read John chapter three. I think it will give you a clearer understanding of what it means to believe.” He turned to the passage and handed her the Bible.

  He continued, “But, basically, if you believe that Jesus Christ died for your sins and you accept His payment for them, you will be saved. See, we all have sin. Sin blocks our way to Heaven. It’s impossible to remove our sin on our own. God knows that and that’s why He sent Jesus. A perfect blood sacrifice is required for the payment of sin. Jesus was the only one who’s ever lived that could pay for sins. I can’t pay for your sins because I’m not perfect – only Jesus is.

  “So, when we give our sins to Jesus to pay for, it’s like He gives us a brand new white robe to wear and this robe is made of His righteousness. So, when God looks at us, He no longer sees our sin because our sin is no longer there. All God sees is the righteousness of His Son. It is a gift that cannot be earned, it can only be received. And this is what is required to enter Heaven.” He looked into her eyes. “Does this make sense to you?”

  She lifted a half-smile. “I think so.”

  “Well, I don’t want you to take my word for any of it. I want you to read it for yourself.” Zach got up and went to his bedroom while Rosanna read over John three. He returned with a thin brown book. “Here, I want you to have this.”

  “What is it?”

  “It’s the Gospel of John in English, German, and Pennsylvania Dutch.”

  She took the book from his hand. “Really? I didn’t even know they made such a thing.”

  “Take it home with you. Read it so you can understand for yourself. When I have a chance, I’ll get you an English Bible.”

  “Denki.” She set the book down next to her. “I didn’t really expect to come over here and read the Bible.”

  “I never expected it either.”

  “What did you think of my question?” She whispered.

  His brow arched. “The proposal?”

  “Jah.”

  “Well, I think I need to pray about it. A lot.” He sighed, knowing that, despite their newfound love, whichever road they took would be difficult. “Don’t get me wrong, Rosanna. There’s not much in this life I’d love to have more than you as my wife and the privilege of raising John’s only child. I love you. I think I always have.” He resisted the desire to touch her, kiss her. “But I don’t know how we can get around the Amish church. You’re a good-standing member. I, on the other hand, am shunned. And I know that they would accept me back into the church if I made a kneeling confession. But how can I agree to something I don’t agree with? I would be living a lie.”

  “What don’t you agree with?”

  “Well, first and foremost, salvation. Those verses we read in First John clearly say one can be saved and know that they have eternal life. Second, is the belief that those who leave the Amish are doomed to certain Hell. There are many Amish who have left and have trusted Christ as their Saviour. The Bible clearly states they will not go to Hell. On the contrary, anyone – Amish or not – who rejects Jesus’ payment for their sin, is subject to condemnation. You can read that in John three, thirty-six. You see, things the Bible states plain as day are rejected by our leaders. I don’t understand it.”

  “Do you think that maybe they have not read these verses?”

  “I think that the teachings of the Amish church are so engraved in the leaders’ minds because they have been passed down for so many generations. They hold those teachings sacred, no matter if they are false teachings. I’m afraid it would take nothing short of a miracle to get them to see the light.”

  “We could try to show them.”

  He smiled at her innocence. “You’re precious, you know that?” He rubbed her chin. “Do you honestly think they would listen to me, who left to serve in the military? Or you, a young woman, who in their eyes, can be easily tempted?”

  She shrugged.

  “Tell me something, Rosanna. Would you be willing to leave the Amish if it meant following the Truth?”

  “That is a hard question.” She moved her hand over her belly. “It would be like throwing away our heritage, our…our relationships with all our family and friends. I don’t know if I’d be strong enough to do that.” She shook her head. “Do you have any idea how much heartache you caused when you left?”

  “I can imagine. Really, I can. But don’t you see? All that weeping and heartache could be avoided if they embraced the Truth. Mothers and fathers wouldn’t be crying, thinking their children were doomed to Hell just because they’d chosen a different way of living. When you believe the Truth, there’s an incredible freedom. You’re free to live without fear. You’re free to choose to attend a church based on your God-given convictions. And if our Amish church embraced the Truth, there’s no doubt in my mind that I would choose to attend the meetings. Amish culture has many positive aspects, but I cannot sacrifice the Truth of God’s Word for the sake of heritage and tradition.”

  “Have you tried talking to your folks?”

  “I’ve written letters to them. It’s kind of like talking to a wall of stone. They will not hear what I have to say. They think I am living in sin.”

  “Are you?” She glanced at the television.

  “You see this?” He walked over and touched the TV. “This will only show what I allow it to. It doesn’t come on by itself. It only plays the stations I program it to play. Wanna see?”

  She shook her head but he turned it on anyway.

  “That man on there is talking about the Bible. He has studied the Bible for years.” Zach explained.

  “But that’s not the only thing you watch?”

  “I’ve rented good, Christian films that help build my faith. And yes, I could definitely use it to sin if I wanted to. But you don’t need a TV to sin. Sin begins in the heart. If your heart is right, you won’t want to sin. You’ll want to please God.”

  “Is that
what you want to do?”

  “Yes, very much so. I want to live for God with all my heart.”

  “That is what I want to do too.”

  “Do you mean that?”

  “Jah.”

  “Do you think it would please God if you asked Him to save you?”

  “I do, but I already have trusted in Him. When I was reading earlier, I told God that I wanted to be saved.”

  Thank You, Lord Jesus. Thank You. “Really? That’s wonderful!” He couldn't contain a brief embrace.

  “I hope I said the right words.”

  “If they came from the heart, they were the right words.”

  “They did.”

  He shifted from one foot to another, then looked her in the eyes. “And do you think it would please God if you said yes to marrying me?”

  “I do. I think he would be pleased with that. And I think John would too.”

  “You realize what you’re agreeing to?”

  “If the Bible really is the Truth, I have nothing to lose.”

  “Do you want to marry me now?”

  “Goodness.” She placed a hand over her abdomen. “I think the baby just said yes.”

  “And what do you say?” He wanted to be absolutely certain of her feelings. Asking her to leave the church and marry him was a monumental step.

  “My folks are going to be upset with me, but I want to. It think it is what God wants of me. He has given me peace.” She stepped close enough to kiss him, but he refrained. “I want to become Mrs. Zachariah Zook.”

  “You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say those words. I never thought I’d hear them from you. But it seems both you and God have given me a second chance.” He stared into her eyes and longed to kiss her, but he would wait until they were married. Despite his subsequent teasing, it was a promise he’d made to himself the day he first kissed her, thereby earning her scorn. He’d promised himself that if he ever got the chance again, he’d only kiss her on their wedding day. “Let’s go talk to the pastor!”