The Heartbreaker (Amish Country Brides) Read online

  He’d finally be able to go out job hunting and hopefully get on his feet in more ways than one.

  “Dawdi, do you ever feel like you just want to throw in the towel? Just give it all up and do something completely reckless?” he asked.

  “Can’t say I do. Der Herr has taught me contentment.”

  “Well, I do.”

  “Seems to me you’ve already tried that before. Didn’t work out too well, by my thinking.”

  “You’re right.” He gritted his teeth. “Sometimes, I just hate myself. I am so stupid.”

  “You have made unwise decisions, that is true. But you are far from dumm.”

  “But I am. Look at my life.” He lifted his hands and twisted in a half circle. “Miri can’t stand the sight of me. Everyone else my age has their life together. A wife. Kids. They own their own home and provide a decent living. I can’t even keep a job for more than a few months. I’m so far behind I don’t know if I can ever catch up.”

  “They who compare themselves among themselves are not wise.”

  Michael frowned. “What are you saying, Dawdi?”

  “You need to focus on pleasing Der Herr, not anyone else. Live for an audience of One.”

  “But every time I—”

  “There are no buts. Don’t make excuses. Excuses are for the weak. Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. There is nothing you can’t do if Christ is your strength.”

  ~

  Michael shot up from the bed. That had been some dream. A wonderful dream, in fact. Could the scenario even be possible? Dawdi had said, with God all things were possible, right? And now he was with God and God was with him.

  Just like that, he knew what to do. Without a doubt. For the first time in his life, confidence flooded his soul. No, his entire being.

  There was no mistaking, Der Herr had given him that dream.

  ~

  “Sammy? Do you know where Michael is? His room is empty and I didn’t see him anywhere outside. Did he go into town?”

  Sammy frowned. “I don’t know. He was gone when I got up this morning.” He slid a piece of paper across the table. “Left this note.”

  Her eyes scanned the words.

  Dawdi,

  I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye, but I have an urgent matter to attend to. I can’t explain anything right now. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. It could be a while, I don’t know. Please don’t worry about me. Thank you for all you’ve done. And please keep praying for me.

  Michael

  P.S. Tell Miri I’ll make this up to her.

  Miriam turned the paper over and frowned. “That’s it?”

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “Where did he go? What urgent matter is he referring to?”

  Sammy shrugged. “Wish I could say.”

  “He didn’t talk to you?”

  “No. I had no idea until I found that. Last time I talked to him, though, he said he felt like doing something reckless.” Discouragement blanketed Sammy’s face. “I guess he won’t be joining the g’may after all.”

  She knew it. This was so typical of Michael. Just when she was beginning to trust him, to open up her heart. Moisture burned her eyes. “I’m sorry, Sammy. I…I have to go.”

  She turned and ran out of the house, allowing the tears to fall freely. How could she have been so foolish? She should have known better. She should have seen this coming. Michael hadn’t changed. He was the same selfish jerk he’d always been. Why had she believed any different?

  SEVENTEEN

  Michael tapped his fingers on the desk as he waited for someone to pick up on the other end of the line. He really shouldn’t have sprung for a hotel, but he needed privacy and this was likely where he’d be able to acquire some. Since his cell phone had been damaged in the motorcycle accident, the only phone he’d had access to was the phone shanty. He couldn’t chance anyone in the g’may finding out about his business, so he’d opted for this.

  He blew out a breath when someone finally answered. “Hello. I need to know how I can get information about a baby that was put up for adoption about four and a half years ago.”

  There was a pause on the other end of the line. “What kind of information are you looking for, sir?”

  “Who he was adopted by. Where he lives now.”

  “And who am I speaking with?”

  “My name is Michael Eicher. The baby’s biological father.” He squeezed his eyes shut, shunning the tears that threatened. To think that he actually had a son. And with Miri, of all people.

  “I’m sorry, sir, but that information is classified.”

  His heart plunged into the pit of his stomach. “Don’t I have any rights as a biological parent of the child?”

  “Sir, if your child was given up for adoption, you no longer have any rights.”

  But… “I didn’t even know about the pregnancy. I had no idea she’d had a baby.”

  “I’m sorry, I don’t think I can help you. When your child was offered up for adoption, your parental rights would have been terminated.”

  “Even if I didn’t know?” This didn’t make any sense to his thinking. “Wouldn’t I have had to sign something?”

  “Not if you couldn’t be located or if you weren’t named as the father.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If a woman states that the father’s identity is ‘unknown’ or if the proper channels have been implemented to locate the father and they have failed, there is something called ‘involuntary termination of parental rights’ whether you personally agreed or not.”

  “That’s absurd! So I can’t even see him? Like ever?”

  “I’m afraid adoptions are sealed cases. We look after the child’s best interest and I’m not sure that would be in the best interest of the child. Besides, if it was a closed adoption, there’s nothing you can do until the child turns eighteen.”

  “Eighteen?” He couldn’t help his raised voice. Neither could he fathom waiting to see his son until he was eighteen. Wait. “But you said if it was closed. Is there a possibility it wasn’t?”

  “It’s not probable, but yes, it is possible.”

  “And if it’s not closed?”

  “Then there might be options.”

  Michael nodded. “Okay. Options. That’s great.” He rubbed his hands together. “How can I find out?”

  “If you’re in contact with the birth mother, you could ask her.”

  He thought on the situation. Could he derive that information from Miri without her suspecting something? “And what if I can’t get the information that way?”

  “We will have to do some investigating into the matter and then get back to you. But you’ll probably need to prove your paternity before we can proceed.”

  “How do I do that?”

  “You take a test to see if your DNA matches. It does take some time and there are costs involved.”

  He frowned. “So if the adoption is open, what does that mean as far as being able to see my child?”

  “Since your paternity has not been established yet, it means nothing. However, if it’s an open adoption, there’s a good chance the birth mother is allowed to have contact with the adoptive parents. But that’s only if it’s open.”

  “The birth mother. Okay, I’ll see what I can find out.” He grimaced. “We’re not exactly on the best terms right now.” Why had he said that out loud? It wasn’t like it was anyone’s business.

  The other end of the line was silent.

  He cleared his throat. “Will you give me your name so I can call you back if I have any more questions? I might need to do the paternity test thing if I can’t get the answers I need. Also, what time does your office usually close?”

  “My name’s Brenda and I’m usually in the office till five, Monday through Friday. If I’m not in, you can always leave a message and I can get back to you.”

  “Great. Thank you. You don’t know how much I appreciate this.” He quickly jo
tted down her information, double checking to be sure he’d written everything correctly.

  He hung up the receiver and blew out a noisy breath. Time for the difficult part—talking to Miri. Perhaps he should take advantage of the quiet motel room and spend some time in prayer. Because if he ever needed strength and courage, it was now.

  ~

  Michael held the reins in one hand, attempting to rid the clamminess of his other hand on his trousers, then proceeded to do the same thing with his alternate one. If Miri didn’t agree to go for a ride with him, he’d have to wait until she came to his grossdawdi’s house next. But then, they might not have privacy. A buggy ride was a sure way the two of them could be alone. The only problem was that Miri’s family or anyone else might misconstrue this as a date. Which was fine with him, but he was certain that Miri would have a problem with it.

  He stopped at the Yoders’ hitching post and hopped down from the buggy. He walked to the side door, the typical entrance the family used, with a confidence he certainly didn’t feel. He glanced down at his for gut clothes and knocked on the door.

  The door sprung open with a whoosh, and Miri’s younger brother stood before him. The boy’s eyes sparkled with mischief as his chocolate-covered lips told on him.

  Michael smiled. “Will you get Miri—uh, Miriam—for me?”

  “Mir-i-am!” The boy hollered at the top of his lungs. “There’s a boy here to take you courtin’!” The boy spun on his heel and rushed back inside.

  “No. I just want to speak with her.” Michael called after the boy just as the door closed in his face.

  Ach, this wasn’t going well so far. He heard noises inside the house, but couldn’t decipher what was going on. A moment later, the door opened again. This time it was Miri.

  Her eyes widened. “Michael? What are you…I thought you left.”

  “I just needed to find some answers. Um, can we talk?”

  She carefully studied his clothing, then eyed his buggy. Something akin to distrust crossed her face. She sighed. “Michael…”

  “This isn’t a date, Miri, I promise. Unless you want it to be. I just need to talk with you.” He lowered his voice. “And it’s something that can’t be said with others around. Will you walk with me? Please?”

  EIGHTEEN

  For the life of her, Miriam wished Michael Eicher wasn’t so pleasing to the eyes. With him dressed in his Sunday clothes and the scent of something rugged and masculine caressing her senses, denying him was nearly impossible. Add that to his natural good looks and she could hardly resist. Five years ago, she would have thought she was the luckiest girl alive to have Michael show up on her doorstep, but now?

  “No.” The word automatically popped out of her mouth.

  “Miriam.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, then glanced toward one of the windows. He leaned close to her ear and whispered, shooting sparks up her spine. “This is really important.”

  She’d never seen Michael Eicher so intense, so serious. She nodded. “Okay. Maybe just for a little bit.”

  “Do you mind…uh…taking a ride with me? I think we will be out of earshot if we’re alone in my buggy.”

  She didn’t want to think of herself alone with Michael in his buggy. The last time they’d ridden together… “Michael…I don’t know…I don’t think I can do this.”

  “I promise not to touch you or try anything. Please.”

  Her heart rate accelerated and she glanced at his buggy. It was just a buggy ride. Just to talk. Not a date. No courting. There would be no cuddling close, no passion under the stars, no goodnight kiss. Just a ride.

  “Okay.” She acquiesced.

  He blew out a long breath. “Thank you.”

  True to his word, he didn’t touch her, not even offering a hand to help her into the carriage. She waited for him to unhitch the horse from the post, then he hopped into the buggy also. She scooted as far to the edge as she possibly could.

  He frowned. “Miri, you don’t have to do that.”

  Yes, for her own state of mind, she did. His cologne, though not terribly strong, was enough to overwhelm her senses. It brought back too many memories, both good and bad. “I’m fine. What did you want to talk about?”

  He chuckled lightly. “Down to business already, huh?”

  She raised a brow and crossed her arms. “You said you wanted to talk. It’s the only reason I am in this buggy. If you have something else in mind, you can let me off right here and I can walk back home.”

  Hurt flashed across his features. “Miri…” His lips smashed together. “I want to know about our boppli.”

  He glanced her way.

  Their boppli. Their sohn. The one she’d thought about every single day since she’d learned she was in the familye way. She couldn’t keep her chin from trembling. “Why?”

  “Because you’ve told me next to nothing. I want to know about him. It was a boy, right?”

  She nodded, cursing the moisture barely contained by her eyelashes. “Jah.”

  “When was he born? When is his birthday?”

  “Why do you want to know?”

  “It’s my son, Miriam. You at least got to see him, to hold him. I never had that chance.”

  “They sent you a letter.”

  “What letter?”

  “To let you know about the boppli. Papers to sign for the adoption.”

  His lips turned down. “I never received any papers.”

  “That is what I figured. Because I’m sure you would have signed them, to give the baby up, if you had, ain’t so? Since you didn’t return the papers in a timely manner, they just put on there that you couldn’t be found.”

  “So that was it? Even though it was my son too, they didn’t even care?” His grip tightened on the reins, accentuating the veins in his hands.

  “They said if you cared, you would have been there for me and supported me throughout the pregnancy.”

  “I cannot support what I don’t know about.” The bitter words flew from his mouth.

  “Would you have, though?”

  “I don’t know.” He shook his head. “But it would have been nice to have the option to decide for myself.”

  She cringed at the frustration in his voice. “I didn’t know what to do, Michael. You left. I had no idea where you went. I asked around. I was scared and alone. I couldn’t tell anybody about it.”

  “This whole thing is just so messed up.”

  “It’s not my fault!” She couldn’t keep her tears at bay anymore.

  “Miri…” He reached over to cover her hand, then drew back at the last second. “I know it’s not your fault. I’m not blaming you. I’m upset but not at you. I’m mad at myself and how stupid I was back then. I had everything. A beautiful girl, a baby on the way. And what did I do? I ran away like a coward.”

  She tentatively reached over and lightly covered his hand for only a second. “We were both dumm. I let my fear and pride and selfishness get in the way of caring for our boppli. I was more worried about what other people would think than what our baby will think. What kind of a mother am I?” The sob broke out unbidden.

  Michael quickly guided the horse to the edge of the seldom-traveled country road. “Shh…” He scooted over and she allowed him to gather her in his arms. He gentled his tone. “Miri, it’s okay. You were young. You did what you felt was best for our child.”

  Her tears drenched the shirt’s fabric near his shoulder, but he allowed her to grieve as long as she needed.

  “I’ve thought of him every day. Every day, Michael! What does he look like? What is he doing? Does he miss me? I used to talk to him every day when he was inside me. I have a feeling babies remember those things.”

  With the pads of his thumbs, he smoothed away the moisture on her face. His glance dipped to her lips momentarily, then flickered with something akin to desire. He immediately forced himself over to his own side, and looked off in the distance before bringing his attention back to her. He swallowed. “Y
ou…you said you met the people who adopted him, right? Was…was it an open adoption or a closed one?”

  She’d never once seen Michael Eicher vulnerable. Ach, it was almost endearing. Nora’s words flashed in her mind once again, maybe he’s sincere. She shook off the thought as quickly as it had come.

  “It was open, but I asked her not to contact me.”

  “Did you ever contact her?”

  “I had planned to. I just didn’t know what to say. And she couldn’t have responded. If she did, then someone—maybe Dat, might get the letter and read it. I couldn’t chance him finding out.”

  “But you still can, right? You can contact them?” Was he really serious?

  She nodded, her hands trembling. Just the thought of contacting their boppli’s adoptive parents made her nervous and excited all at the same time. “I have the papers locked away in my bureau. I bought a special box and keep it hidden in a drawer.”

  “How would you feel if we tried to contact them? We could ask about how he’s doing. We can put my name and Dawdi’s address on the envelope and no one but us and Dawdi would know.”

  She swallowed. “You…you would want to do that?”

  He nodded then reached over and squeezed her hand. “Yes, very much. I’m sure they probably have pictures they could send. It would almost be like seeing him.”

  Tears resurfaced in her eyes. “You’re sure?” Ach, it felt so gut to finally have someone on her side, someone to share her heartbreak and joy.

  “I’m positive, Miri.” He flashed his million-dollar smile.

  Miri found herself slowly falling for him all over again. But she couldn’t allow herself that luxury. As excited as she was about the possibility of seeing their boppli, she had to remind herself who she was dealing with.

  Michael Eicher—the heartbreaker.